


Hidden Truths

by headlessnicks



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempted Sexual Assault, No Romance, No Smut, Other, Snape is a git but he's still kinda sorta helpful
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 10:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25469533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/headlessnicks/pseuds/headlessnicks
Summary: Severus Snape and his many attempts in protecting the students and fellow teachers/order members' throughout his life at Hogwarts. These events are in no particular order and are mostly compliant with book canon (unless stated otherwise).
Comments: 18
Kudos: 64





	1. Granger

**Author's Note:**

> #1- Takes place after the Yule Ball during GoF and slightly au with what happens in the book.

The Dark Mark was burning. Again. Growling, he rubbed his left arm in an attempt to relieve the sting the branded mark on his skin was giving off. His Master was growing stronger, it seemed, and it did nothing but put Severus in a darker mood. Dumbledore had already told him off twice for taking his anger out on the students and as much as he hated to admit it, the old man was right. He had always been particularly nasty towards the students (except his own, of course) but the past week he had threatened practically everyone that had so much as glanced at him ('What are you looking at me for, Longbottom? Do you want to be thrown off the astronomy tower?!). And to add to it, Moody had been high on his tail the minute he had set foot at Hogwarts. What was Dumbledore thinking anyway, giving the DADA post to a mentally deranged fool? It was ever so cumbersome when the auror shadowed him constantly, taking away what little freedom he had in skulking around the castle. If he wasn't being followed, then he was being hounded in his office-apparently, Moody still hadn't taken Dumbledore's word of his reform. What Severus would give to hex his other leg or wri-

He froze as he approached the large beech tree by the lake. There was a figure lying below the tree, motionless in the dark. Fear gripped Severus first, all thoughts of murdering Moody vanishing instantly and was replaced with something else instead. Dread. His first sense told him to send for Dumbledore, the Yule Ball had ended by now surely and the headmaster was sure to be in his room. As he neared the figure, he saw that it was moving. Or shaking, more like. His wand drawn, Severus stepped closer.

"Lumos," he whispered, his thoughts fearing the worst.

And then--

"Miss Granger, what are you doing here?"

The girl looked up in shock. Obviously, she had not been expecting to be interrupted in what seemed to be a crying fest judging by the puffiness of her eyes. He rolled his eyes internally, something must have happened between her and the Weasley boy again. Severus was not one for addressing gossip, but he did attend staff meetings which consisted of the other professors sharing rumors and stories about their students. Weasley's and Granger's relationship had been quite the sensation for a while now though Severus did not bring himself to care for it.

The girl sniffed loudly and blinked rather stupidly at him.

"Why are you crying, girl?" he asked softly. Once again, he was met with silence. His lips curled as he sneered at her.

"Are you aware you've broken school rules? Curfew ended half an hour ago and yet here you are, when you should be in your dormitory, Granger. What's your excuse?" he berated, his smile growing nastier by the minute. He didn't hate Granger, not when she reminded him so much of his own self but she was a close friend of Potter's...

"Thought you were different from the rest of the students, did you, Granger? That if you were friends with Potter that you didn't need to heed the rules set by the school? Twenty points from Gryffindor!" he said, controlling the venom in his voice from seeping out too much. The girl was obviously hurt by something, after all, and he didn't want her crying in front of him. He despised it when someone showed their weaknesses to him. What was he supposed to do? Comfort her? He had to hold in a laugh at the thought. Granger would die from shock.

"I-I'm sorry, Professor. I'll l-leave now," she spoke finally, her voice shaking ever so slightly. She rubbed her eyes, trying to hide a fresh set of tears that spilled over her face. She turned to leave and it was in that instant, when half of her figure was illuminated by the steady glow from his wand did he catch it. Severus blinked. The girl had already turned to leave.

"Stop," he commanded, his voice just a whisper. It carried through the silent lake and she stopped, dead in her tracks. She turned to face him. He drew nearer, his wand moving away from her face to her shoulders. There was an ugly bruise there, and if he looked close enough he could see the shape of fingerprints etched onto her skin. Her dress was torn at the straps as though forcibly pulled. He moved the light to her arms where they were marked with more bruises. His eyes narrowed, and Granger's raised eyebrows told him that she could see how his hands were trembling.

"Who did this to you?" he asked again, softly. But there was nothing kind about his voice. If anything, it sounded more dangerous-as though he was trying hard to keep his anger closed to himself.

"N-no one, Professor. I j-just fell and h...hurt myself," she said too quickly.

Severus scoffed. How many times had he said the same thing to the school nurse? And how many of those times had he been telling the truth.

"Liar," he said and the girl's eyes widened. She was afraid. Of him? Perhaps but he did not care. He had to know what happened to her. His eyes narrowed again when he remembered how he had seen Weasley and her arguing after the dance earlier.

"Did Weasley do this?"

Her eyes grew wide again as she shook her head weakly. Tears were forming in her eyes again. 

"No! Ron wou-would never! He...he's my best friend!"

Severus racked his brains, trying to figure out who else had been with Granger. But hard as he tried, he couldn't remember who she was with. She hadn't been a priority-he had been too busy watching Karkaroff the entire time.

"Miss Granger, I don't need you to tell me what happened to you here. I have many means in which I can-ah-extract that information," Severus threatened and almost immediately regretted it. The girl cowered from him. A flash of guilt bubbled in his conscience. Don't frighten the girl, Severus. Help her you dolt, he thought to himself furiously. Allowing himself to sneer at herself again, he spoke.

"Follow me, girl," he spoke. 

He began to walk towards the castle and when he realized that he couldn't hear another set of footsteps, he turned to see the girl rooted on the spot he had left her in. He circled back to her, repeatedly stabbing himself mentally for what he was being put through. He snapped at her rudely.

"Didn't you hear me? I said follow me!"

When he looked at her, he saw her expression and knew immediately what she was thinking.

"I'm not kidnapping you, Granger! I'm going to take you to the Hospital Wing, perhaps Poppy could be more help than I!"

Nodding, she followed his stride and they walked back to the castle under the moonlight accompanied by a dreadful silence. Severus slammed open the door to the Hospital Wing and took Poppy by complete surprise. He smirked when he saw her quickly stash the large Firewhiskey bottle under her table and hurried towards them.

"Severus, what are you doing-this time of the hour-Granger, what's happened?" Poppy seemed to have gone into shock at the scene before her eyes. Severus cast a side-way glance towards Granger and saw that she had her head down, as if ashamed. 

"Granger, go wait over there. I need to discuss your..." he paused, thinking,"...situation with Madam Pomfrey."

With a sniff nod, she walked towards the bed that was farthest from him and Poppy. With the girl far off his view, Severus turned his attention to Poppy who was looking back and forth between him and Granger. 

"I think," he said in a tired voice, "I'll have a little of that drink, Poppy."

A minute later, Severus had downed two glasses and was disappointed to see he was still sober.

"I found the girl by the lake, Poppy. She has bruise marks and her dress was torn. I asked her if it was Weasley ('Surely not him!' Poppy exclaimed) but she said it wasn't. I don't know who it is yet and I thought perhaps she might be more willing to share that piece of information with someone..."

"...less intimidating than you, I presume," Poppy finished smiling. He nodded curtly.

"Though I do believe there were many a times when you've intimidated even me, Poppy," he teased, his eyes glittering. The alcohol was working then, he figured, and felt a little of the anger dissipate.

"Well, you were a particularly difficult student to handle at times, Severus. Just hold on, I'll be right back," she said and left him standing there. At first, he thought to leave. Obviously Granger was safe now but curiosity tickled him. Who would hurt this girl? For a second, he wondered grimly if it had been Draco-the boy had been tormenting her just a few weeks ago. He felt ashamed, thinking back to when he had done nothing to defend her when Draco had hexed her and called her names. Minerva had told him just the other day what Draco had been calling the Muggleborns. He felt his skin flush and burn as he wondered what kind of man he really was. Had he not been just as foolish as Draco when he was a schoolboy? Wasn't this superiority complex that cost him his friendship with...her? Severus felt his mood shift as his thoughts began to drift towards another Muggleborn girl. What would she think of him praising Draco when he thought so little of her kind?

"It's no use thinking about her. She's dead," he muttered to himself darkly. He couldn't afford to lose his grip like this, not now. Granger may not be in his house but she was still his student and he had vowed to Dumbledore to ensure the safety of all the students. And someone had hurt her. He broke away from his thoughts when he heard footsteps nearing.

Granger was now dressed in school robes that seemed a little too big for her but it did hide the bruises. Granger stood a metre away as Poppy approached him.

"I've examined the girl and it seems that the extent of her injuries are only what you've observed yourself. The attacker, which she refuses to name, tried to...force himself on her and when she refused he resorted to physical violence. He might have finished what he planned had our Miss Granger not whipped out her wand and sent a hex flying at him. After that, he ran and not soon after, you came across her, Severus."

There was a grim silence. So the girl was alright, for the most part. A vindictive part of him reveled at the fact that she had attacked him back. That was good, and whoever he was must have been a coward to flee like that. He looked back at her and saw that she was wincing slightly.

"It seems taking away house points will not be enough to remind you not to break school rules, Miss Granger. You will serve detention with me."

"Severus, the girl was just attacked!" Poppy protested and he jeered at her.

"Be that as it may, she still needs to learn her lesson. If you have a problem with how I handle things at the school, take it to Dumbledore!" he snapped and turned on his heel. Just as he reached the door, he turned to look at the girl.

"Well, what are you standing there for? Would you like to be brought to detention on a stretcher, Granger?"

Poppy threw her hands up in frustration and pressed what was no doubt chocolate into the younger girl's hands before cursing him under her breath. He smirked and allowed Granger to step out of the room before following her. They reached the dungeon and he took her into the classroom they frequently occupied. Where in the day, the room would be filled with the sound of potions hissing and cauldrons crackling under the fire, now it was still and silent and quite ominous. 

"Sit," he ordered, pointing to a table by the front. She did so, looking around bewildered. Shaking his head, he stalked off into his office.  
*********************************************************

Hermione was trying desperately to hold back her tears as she waited in the potions classroom. She could hear Snape rummaging through something in his office, no doubt some punishment he would set on her for being outside the school grounds way past curfew. The bruises on her body seemed to be pulsing and she couldn't help but wince. Her thoughts were wandering to what had happened but she steeled herself back to the present. She couldn't dwell on it, not now. Not in front of Snape. She had already cried so much in front of him, he had been so annoyed-no-angry with her. She could feel anger boiling in herself. Why did he have to be so horrible all the time? She had just been attacked! She could feel some of Harry's loathing of the man set in her.

Snape strode towards her, almost like a robot. He was expressionless as if his thoughts were far away from her. He set a rag and a bowl in front of her filled with a dark liquid. He pointed to it. 

"Murtlap essence," he said, and watched her with his cold, black eyes. She simply stared at him. She watched his brows cross and an ugly frown form in his face. He looked impatient and pinched the bridge of his nose before speaking.

"You use it to relieve wounds, Granger. Use it to salve your bruises for heaven's sake! Can you do manage to muster it yourself or would you prefer I do it for you?" he snapped horribly.

Not wanting Snape anywhere near her again after the entire ordeal, she nodded quickly and pulled up her sleeves to expose the bruises. She noticed how he looked away as though the bruises had offended him personally. She dabbed the liquid using the rag he'd provided and lightly wiped it against her skin.

"Do it in circular motion, it'll help," he said softly. Hermione thought she had caught just a slight tone of concern in his voice. He could be kind if he wanted to, she brooded. The liquid seemed to shine off her skin and a second later, she could feel how it was healing her. The pain faded into a tingling sensation, leaving behind a faded scar on her right arm. This was...amazing! She needed to research on this potion, it would definitely come in handy.

"I assume you know how it works? Take this," as he spoke, he conjured a vial and magicked the essence into it, "and use it twice daily until your bruises disappear. Poppy would have given you the same thing but it would have required you to be hospitalized for several days and I know how you hate (she could feel his sneering remark) to miss a class.The potion is fairly simple to make, and I expect it will come in handy in the future-given the fact that Potter is almost always involved in a near-death experience."

Hermione could hear the malice in his voice whenever he spoke of Harry. She took the vial from him.

"You may leave, Miss Granger," he muttered, turning his back to look out the window. Hermione didn't need to be told twice. As she reached the door, she turned to look back at him. His gaze was still glued to the sky outside. She hesitated for a second. He had helped her tonight, found her by the lake and took her to Madam Pomfrey, given her Murtlap essence to be taken anytime instead of wasting away at the hospital wing...perhaps she had read it wrong. Maybe he hadn't been angry, maybe it had been concern hidden beneath layers of fury. But at whom? Surely he didn't care about a Gryffindor student? She took a huge breath.

"Professor?" she called, her voice echoing. He still hadn't turned.

"Thank you," she murmured. She saw him straighten a little.

"It was Viktor Krum."

This time Snape turned and she could see a dangerous glint in his eyes.

"Duly noted, Granger. Now leave before I take anymore points from Gryffindor."


	2. Karkaroff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #1 - Continuation of Chapter 1

Severus spent the next few days skulking around the castle, watching the Durmstrang boys intently. He hoped that one of these days he would find that Krum boy but to his disappointment, it seemed the boy had vanished off the face of the earth. There could only be one reason why he hadn’t shown his face: Karkaroff. 

Krum must have told his mentor what had happened and as expected of a coward, Karkaroff hid him away. Severus smiled to himself. If he couldn’t have a word with Krum, he could certainly have one with dear old Karkaroff. 

The Granger girl seemed to be recuperating quickly. He had been checking with Poppy every so often, he knew the woman had ordered Granger to meet with her once a week to assess her physical and mental condition. Poppy had told him just two nights ago that the girl was feeling much better and her bruises had faded almost completely now. Satisfied with the answer, he had allowed himself a momentary breath of relief that once again a Hogwarts student had escaped from harm's way. A friend of Potter's no less, he added darkly. 

As though the devil itself was at work, the Granger girl appeared before him, followed by none other than the infamous Weasley and Potter. They had caught sight of him too late, he realized, as their expressions turned just as sour as his. The Weasley boy was looking at him in annoyance while Granger seemed to have neutralized her contempt for him for the time being. He turned to look at Potter, the familiar green eyes filled with hatred and loathing. He felt a jolt of pain spread across his chest and forced himself to look away. 

“Good afternoon,” he drawled. “That was quite a feat you showed in the first tournament, Potter, battling an entire dragon and winning...surely your head must have expanded twice its normal rate by now?” he mocked, noting the anger flush in the younger boy's cheeks. "No... sir," Potter replied, scowling. He felt a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. The three children were squirming to be in his presence and Severus was just about to make them even more uncomfortable when he heard distant yelling coming from the courtyard. Irked, he looked up to see Karkaroff shouting at a few students. Frowning, he pushed past Potter and walked up to the screaming man. 

“WHICH ONE OF YOU DID IT?!” Karkaroff seemed to be at the end of his rope. This will be good, Severus thought. 

“Ah, just the man I’ve been looking for!” Snape called out. With his robes billowing behind him, he quickly put himself between the other man and the cowering second years. 

“Snape!” Karkaroff exclaimed. “These rotten little eggs sent a jinx at me! Is this what you teach at this-this school?” 

Snape could hear the hatred Karkaroff held for the students and the school. He was inclined to agree but at the moment, he had a bone to pick with the man. "As much as I would love to find the person responsible, Karkaroff, there is a more pressing issue at hand that I would like to discuss," he said and without any warning, he swooped to grab hold of Karkaroff's collar and half-dragged the man away from the other students. Karkaroff, gaping at Severus, felt the strength of the thin man before him as he was pushed roughly against a tree. Severus only hoped he could get a word in before any of the students ran off to get another Professor or worse, Moody. He turned his attention to the man who was now struggling to escape 

“Did you know, Karkaroff,” he said quietly, “that your champion attacked one of my students?”

Confusion spread through Karkaroff’s ugly face and then-realization. 

“That was-that was your student?! Have you any idea what she-my champion-she almost tore his eye out! If he goes blind-if anything happens to Viktor-“ he spluttered as Severus tightened his hold over the man’s throat. 

“You’ll what Karkaroff? Kill her? I could do you in right now if I wanted, do you know? I could end your miserable little life right now and not a single person would mourn for you. I dare say the Dark Lord would even reward me for it,” Severus said, his eyes glinting maliciously. 

Karkaroff who had been fighting to free himself from Severus’ grasp became quite still at the mention of their Dark Lord. 

“You wouldn’t-dare-not with Dumbledore-“

“Oh, wouldn’t I?” Severus challenged. “If you or that boy go anywhere near that girl again...if I so much as see or hear about any of your students causing trouble-believe you me, Karkaroff, I will not hesitate to put an end to your pathetic little existence.”

With that, he released his hold on the other man and turned. Karkaroff, now that he was free from Severus' grasp, sniggered at him. 

“You think you’re better than me, Severus? You think-you think just because you’ve got Dumbledore backing you up that you’ve-you've changed? I know what you've done...things-things that could get you locked up in Azkaban!” he was shouting. 

If the students hadn’t been listening to their argument before, they certainly were now. From the corner of his eye he could see Potter standing by the corridor, arms crossed as he listened intently. 

Severus turned to face Karkaroff. 

“Don’t-don’t forget-you're just as much a Death Eater as me,” Karkaroff spat before baring his yellowish teeth. He smiled horribly. 

“Be quiet, you fool!” Severus snapped but the other man was far from done.

“You call me a coward for wanting to flee but-but what about you? You fled when he fell, didn’t you? You ran to the first man who you thought would protect you! You cowered behind Albus Dumbledore's old knickers while I served my time!”

“Karkaroff, if you don’t shut your mouth-“ he threatened, his voice low. 

“You’re a coward, Severus Snape! A c-“

Before the words left his mouth, a fist came blowing down on him, hitting him square on the jaw. Karkaroff stumbled, clutching his face. Severus stood there, panting. His knuckles were bleeding from the impact. 

Pure hatred was flowing in his veins at the man in front of him who was now howling with pain. Severus closed his eyes, and tried to control himself. A small voice in his head was asking him to reach for his wand, to finish him off. It didn't matter if he'd be shipped off to Azkaban, he would gladly do it if it meant Karkaroff would be dead. Severus opened his eyes too late, he saw Karkaroff charging towards him at full speed. 

He was knocked off his feet and felt a punch hit him in the face. He could taste blood in his mouth. Karkaroff aimed another punch but Severus managed to push him off. Students were yelling now. He took another swing, this time it landed right on Karkaroff’s nose. He heard a crunch. And then it was three punches that hit Severus, right-left-right. There was a loud ringing in his ears- he had never been good at physical fights. 

That reminded him. He reached for his wand and it was less than a second that Karkaroff was blasted off his feet. He heard Minerva’s voice echoing behind him. 

He stepped towards Karkaroff who was now struggling to get up. Severus spat on the floor, wiped blood off his chin and gave a triumphant smile. 

“Severus, what is the meaning of this?” Minerva called. He turned to face her. 

“That, Professor McGonnagall, is something he had coming for a long time now.”

**********************************************  
"Honestly, Severus, fighting in the middle of the courtyard-I never-and in front of the students too-" Minerva was absolutely livid. His eyes flicked over to Albus who had been silent the entire time. He turned his attention back to the older woman who looked as though she wanted to strangle him on the spot. Amused, he mustered a smug smile.

"You're not going to say anything about this, Albus?" she asked, strictly.

"What would you have me do, Minerva? Its not like I can give the man a detention, those days are well past us by now," Albus teased, his blue eyes twinkled.

"What were you fighting about? What happened that you had to resort to-to that kind of violence, Severus? All this time I've known you, you've not once laid a hand on another person-"

"-I assure you, Minerva, I have laid many hands on many people. You've just been fortunate enough not to witness it. As for why, he deserved it," he said in a matter-of-fact tone.

She looked appalled.

"Deserved it? Do you know what you sound like? You are a professor at Hogwarts, your duty is to protect the students-"

"-and that's exactly what I did, Professor McGonnagall!"

"Really? And which student were you protecting by punching a man repeatedly in the face?!"

"Why don't you ask Granger?" he snapped, his voice rising alongside his temper. He stopped talking-he hadn't meant to bring Granger up...it had been a slip of the tongue. He groaned inwardly.

"Ask her what? What happened with Ms Granger, Severus?" the woman asked quietly now. Gone was the anger and now it was filled with concern.

"Karkaroff is not a student here and I am not required to protect him. Now, unless I am being served with detention..." he looked at Albus who gave a light chuckle. "You are not, Severus," the other man replied. "I'll be on my way then. Poppy has insisted I drop by the hospital to make sure nothing too damaging has happened to my face. Good day, Minerva. Albus."

Minerva gave an exasperated sigh while Albus nodded. With a curt bow, Severus walked out the headmaster's office feeling just a little pleased with himself for getting away with attacking Karkaroff.  
**********************************  
It was later in the day when Hermione Granger finally knocked on the staff room door.

"Come in, Ms Granger," Minerva called. The room was empty save for herself and the wretched man who she had got into an argument with earlier. He was sat by the fireplace, chair creaking,and head buried deeply in a book. He hadn't spoken to her since their little dispute in Albus' office. Rolling her eyes at him, she pointed the girl to the empty seat opposite her. Granger swallowed as she stole a glance at Severus, and then sat. 

"Tell me, Miss Granger, who am I?" she asked. 

"P-Professor?" the girl asked, her eyes wide.

"Who am I to you, Granger?" she repeated.

"Y-you're my Transfiguration professor, Professor. And the head of Gryffindor house," Granger said.

"Correct as always, Granger (Severus coughed). I am glad that you realize that I am, in fact, the head of Gryffindor house-your house."

Granger was growing more confused by the minute. 

"If anything were to happen to you, you do realize you should confide in me, don't you? It hurts me deeply to learn that you trust other professors more than your own head of house, Ms Granger," she pressed, throwing Severus a dirty look. The younger girl looked like she would be on the verge of tears. Behind her, she heard the creaking of the chair stop.

"I-I'm sorry, Professor, I'm not sure I understand-? Did Professor Snape say something to you-?"

"Oh, come off it, Minerva!" Severus called as he jumped off his chair and approached the other two. He crossed his arms and huffed.

"I'm not wrong am I? She came to you-I mean, really!"

"Granger, I suggest you tell your head of house what exactly transpired before she takes both our heads off," he said, rubbing his temple.

"I didn't tell Professor Snape anything, I swear! He-he found me t-there-" the girl was on the verge of incoherence.

"For the love of-" Severus took a deep breath, "I was patrolling outside the castle, Minerva, when I found Granger by the lake. She'd been attacked so I had her taken to the hospital to get checked. She didn't have to tell me anything because I could tell by the state of her..." his voice trailed away as he let his colleague absorb the information. Minerva reached for Granger's hands and gave it a tight squeeze.

"Ms Granger, oh, I do apologize. I didn't think that it would be something like this-are you alright?" she asked, her hands trembling slightly.

Granger nodded quickly and flashed Severus a grateful glance.

"Professor Snape, he-he gave me Murtlap essence and Madam Pomfrey is having me examined once a week...I-I'm fine, I really am, Professor. I didn't tell you b-because I was embarrassed by the whole thing! I didn't even want to tell Harry and Ron but they found out when they saw the bruises...I am sorry, Professor," Granger said. 

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Ms Granger! And the only person who should be embarrassed is the attacker!" Minerva exclaimed, squeezing the girl's hands again. She looked to Severus.

"And Karkaroff-Severus, the fight-did he attack-?"

Minerva was feeling faint now.

"Is that why you fought him, Professor?" Granger asked, her voice filled with guilt and...pity?

"Don't flatter yourself, Granger! The fight between Karkaroff and I wasn't because of you!" he spat. He glared at her angrily, the tension in the room building.

"So he wasn't the culprit, then?" Minerva asked.

Severus broke his glare and turned to Minerva.

"It was his protege, Viktor Krum. Karkaroff hid him away, Ms Granger here almost took his eye out according to him, and I was just giving him a friendly little warning about what would happen if he or his students tried anything like that again."

"There wasn't anything friendly about that brawl, Severus, although frankly it seems now he deserved it," Minerva said, snorting. If she'd known earlier, she would have let the man continue the fight.

"I told you, the fight wasn't because of Granger. He brought up an issue I didn't like and I overreacted..."

The silence was awkward now. Minerva had known Severus since he was a boy and knew when he was attempting to apologize. She knew she wouldn't hear any real apology, not while Granger was still in the room.

"Well," she said.

"Well...Ms Granger, I've kept you here long enough. Why don't you head back to your dormitory..."

Granger muttered a thank you and headed out the door. She turned to see Severus had walked back to his seat, picking up the book that he had dropped in his rush to interfere in her conversation with Granger. She smiled.

"Severus, thank you for looking out for my Gryffindors," she called out. His eyes widened, and for a second she thought she could glimpse a little warmth in his dark eyes. He nodded briefly.

"So what did Poppy say about the damage on your face, Severus?" she asked, light-heartedly. He smirked.

"Absolutely disappointed. She gave me several potions before she realized I have always looked like an ugly git," he said.

And with that, Minerva burst out laughing. When she finally stopped laughing, she looked at him and saw that he was grinning at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of Chapter 1! I'll try to keep the others chapters limited to one page (this one had a bit too much to cover so it was extended to two pages). Thank you for reading!


	3. Lupin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #2-Takes place right at the beginning of PoA and somewhere between the boggart incident.

The term had only just started, and yet Severus was already on the verge of killing himself. Dumbledore had already notified him months ago that for the twelfth time in a row, his application for the Defense position at Hogwarts had been rejected. He had known the moment the owl arrived to tap at his window, known there would be no way that he would be allowed to teach the subject-not while the Dark Lord's curse loomed over the position itself. Dumbledore thought his potions master far too important to be lost after a year and Severus agreed, after all he needed to stay at Hogwarts until the inevitable return of his old master. But the old man had failed to mention to _whom_ exactly the position would go to. To Severus' shock, he had bumped into the new teacher only to realize that it was none other than Lupin, the low-life werewolf that had been in cahoots with Potter and Black back in the old days. 

Severus managed to control his fury but when the other man extended his hand with a wide smile as if expecting a warm welcome from an old friend, he about lost it. Pretending as though he didn't exist, he had left him standing there and barged into the Headmaster's office to find that Dumbledore was not in. Sulking childishly, he stalked back down to the Great Hall where Dumbledore was heavily invested in a story Hagrid was telling him and seemed to ignore the potion master's silent fuming. Lupin was already seated, obviously amused by the fact that Severus was still steadily ignoring him. 

"Dumbledore, a word?" he interrupted as Hagrid was just telling the headmaster how he had found a flobberworm the size of an adult pig. Hagrid immediately stopped talking and shot Severus a questioning look. 

"Can it wait, Severus? Hagrid was in the middle of-"

"-as interesting as it is that a worm has managed to grow the size of a swine, I believe what I have to say is far more important, headmaster," he snapped, taking a glance at Lupin who was now fidgeting in his seat.

The headmaster took a deep breath and exhaled. Oh _he_ was annoyed now, was he? Just as Severus opened his mouth, the doors burst open and students began filing in.

"My office, perhaps, Severus?" 

"Fine! Fine! But you had better not change the password to avoid speaking to me again, Dumbledore!" he threatened, colour flushing his sallow cheeks when Hagrid chuckled lightly. Albus winked before standing up to address the students. Severus was forced to seat himself beside Lupin who once again flashed him a smile.

"Nice to be back, isn't it, Severus? Its like being back home," Lupin said, though it seemed as if he was talking to himself more than to Severus.

"We'll see," Severus replied darkly and if his statement bothered Lupin, he certainly didn't show it. Glancing at him with a look of pure loathing, he turned his attention to the headmaster, counting down the minutes when the feast would be over and he could speak his piece to Albus.

********************************

It was past midnight when Severus was stood before the stone gargoyle that guarded Albus’ office.

"Puking pastilles!" he shouted and the gargoyle leapt aside, allowing him to enter. Albus was seated in his usual chair, deeply in conversation with-

"Am I interrupting?" Severus called out bitterly. Both of them turned to look at him, one had a light air of amusement and the other a small smile.

"Severus, do come in, I was just having a word with our new Professor," Albus was saying, popping a sweet into his mouth as he spoke. As Severus approached the men, Lupin stood up hastily and straightened his shabby clothes. Severus shot him a shrewd look.

"I think I've had enough of your time, Professor Dumbledore, I'll be on my way. Good night," Lupin said, taking his leave. As he reached the door, he turned.

"Oh and by the way, Severus? Thank you," the man said and Severus raised an eyebrow. Behind him, Albus shifted a little.

Not knowing what he was being thanked for, Severus replied with a cold sneer and the door closed shut behind them. Severus eyed the chair opposite Albus, as though contemplating whether or not to occupy the chair Lupin had been sitting in. Deciding it would be safe, he plopped down and straightened to look at Albus.

"You could be kinder to him, Severus, he has been through a lot," Albus muttered disapprovingly.

"What was he thanking me for?" Severus asked. Knowing just how cunning the old man could be at times, he wouldn't put it past him to do anything that could damage Severus' reputation.

"Oh, that," Albus began, "well, he's just grateful that you've agreed to brew Wolfsbane potion for him every month, Severus."

The air was still and awkward. Fawkes gave a short cry.

"No. No. Absolutely not. If you think I would even-"

"-it's not up for debate, Severus, I already told him you’ve offered to help."

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose.

"So," he said, looking at the older man with what could only be described as mild contempt.

"So, after everything he's done to me, you'll have me _help_ him?"

At this, Albus raised a questioning eyebrow.

"What has he done, Severus?"

"You know what he's done! He almost killed me-or have you forgotten?"

"That happened a long time ago and I've told you time and time again, the incident was not Remus Lupin's fault. It was-"

"BLACK, YES, I KNOW! I WAS THERE! IT ONLY HAPPENED BECAUSE BLACK AND LUPIN WERE FRIENDS! THEY MUST HAVE PLANNED IT TOGETHER-"

"-that has never been proven, Severus. Remus has already apologized for-"

"-APOLOGIZED? YOU THINK AN APOLOGY IS ENOUGH?? THAT MAN TRIED TO KILL ME AND WHAT DO YOU DO...YOU HIRE HIM AS A PROFESSOR HERE! AND THEN YOU EXPECT ME TO CATER TO HIS EVERY NEEDS? WHY NOT HAVE ME SCRUB HIS BEDPAN WHILE I'M AT IT, DUMBLEDORE?" he roared, noticing how the portraits behind Albus were now watching him in annoyance. He didn't care, he needed the old man to know just how much he was hurting.

"I ask you and not anyone else to make the Potion, Severus, because you are the most accomplished potion maker I know. And I trust only you to make it, Severus. I would have enlisted the help of any healer from St. Mungo who would be more than happy to assist me but I do not think their skills match up to even an ounce of your own," Albus spoke calmly after a momentary silence.

Severus was taken aback. He was panting slightly, his anger had gotten the best of him yet again. His lips parted as if he wanted to speak but he chose to look away from the piercing blue eyes. He cast a downside glance and saw another familiar face moving in the front page of the Daily Prophet. His stomach lurched as he saw the picture of Black in chains, being dragged by a pair of hands. His eyes narrowed and when he spoke, his voice was barely a whisper.

"You don't think it's strange, Albus?"

"What is, Severus?" Albus sounded tired.

"That Black should escape from Azkaban and Lupin applies for a position here? Does it sound like a coincidence to you?"

Albus shook his head.

"What exactly are you implying, Severus?"

"Black is out to finish what he started, obviously he will be coming for the boy, Dumbledore-surely you must have realized?" Severus spoke too fast. Albus seemed to take a long time to process, as if he was weighing Severus' words in his mind, trying to understand.

"Yes, Sirius Black will try to come for Harry and I have set all necessary precautions to prevent that but I'm afraid after that you lose me, Severus. Where does Remus play into this?" he asked, genuinely puzzled.

"Lupin and Black were friends in school! You don't think Lupin would keep an eye on Potter and when the time is right...hand him to Black?"

Albus held a polite hand up and Severus stopped.

"I do not think that any Professor here would try to bring _any_ harm to a student of Hogwarts. Keep an eye on him if you'd like, Severus, but I trust all my teachers with my life."

Severus snorted. He'd said the same thing about Quirrell too, hadn't he? Look what happened with him, he wanted to say but he felt as if he'd tested the headmaster's patience enough tonight. He stood up to leave.

"You'll make the potion then, Severus?"

"I'll think about it," Severus growled back as he closed the door behind him with a loud slam. 

************************

The full moon was approaching and the toll it was taking on Lupin became fairly obvious. As much as he enjoyed taunting the man with cleverly-hidden wolf jokes, he felt worried at times too. Not for the man, he could care less about him, but on how it could affect the lives of the students. Obviously, Lupin wasn't about to transform into a werewolf in the middle of the Great Hall during lunch but all the same, he couldn't help but stress over where the man _would_ transform. What if any of the students were there by accident, these little dunderheads were known to be strutting about the castle in the dark-what if they came across him? Or worse, what if one of the students figured out the nature of Lupin's illness and tried to find out where he was going...he'd done the same, hadn't he? Deciding the only way to know no harm would come to the students would be to ask Lupin himself where he'd be going off to to shed his fur. That way he could frequent patrolling in that particular area. 

Scooping a gobletful of the wolfsbane potion, he climbed up to Lupin's office trying to figure out how to begin a decent conversation. Severus had certainly started treating the man in a more civil way but in no way would he respect him. Save for a couple jibes here and there, Severus could not recall ever having had a lengthy talk with Lupin. He shuddered at the thought of even asking how he was doing. He imagined how the conversation would go.

' _Alright, Lupin?_ '' he would ask and Lupin would say something stupid like ' _Who are you and what have you done with Severus Snape?'._ Snorting loudly at his imagination, he knocked on Lupin's door twice but there was no answer. He frowned. He had come all this way up and now he was being stood up? His mind already filling with insults for the werewolf and the man who had caused him to be standing here, he made to leave when his ears pricked up. Someone was coughing. He put his head against the door and listened intently.

Sure enough there it was again, a man coughing.

"Lupin, do you expect me to just stand here with the potion?" he asked coldly. No answer. With an impatient huff, he pushed the door open and found Lupin writhing on the floor. He was clutching his face and he had his knuckle in his mouth as if to stop himself from screaming. Severus contemplated the situation before him, eyes calculating to determine if the man was in genuine pain or if he was feigning. A second later, he stepped over Lupin and placed the goblet which was now smoking even more on a shelf. He knelt down and prodded him with what he hoped was minimal gentleness. He didn't want to come off as someone who...well, cared.

"You alright, Lupin?" he asked, trying to pry Lupin's hands away from his face. He almost fell on his back when he saw the long gashes Lupin had left on his face. His hands now free from his mouth, allowed Lupin to let out a strangled cry that would give anybody nightmares. His grip tightened on Lupin's forearms as the other man attempted to scratch him.

"Don't-you'll just-hurt-stop it-" Severus said, each word punctuated with a sharp intake of breath as he wrestled the werewolf. With a low howl, Lupin's nails scratched a long red line along Severus' arm and he let go of him with a curse. He leapt to his feet, logic finally overcoming him as he reached for the goblet on the shelf. Severus quickly charmed the goblet so the potion wouldn't spill when handled roughly. He returned to his initial position by Lupin's curled figure and tugged at the other man's robe.

"Lupin-Lupin-drink this!" he commanded. He drew his wand close to Lupin's face, his other hand holding the goblet steadily.

"Resto Tranquilium!" he muttered and Lupin stopped moving almost immediately, save for his hands that were still trembling.

With a disgusted groan, Severus held the man's head up and tipped the goblet over the his mouth carefully, making sure that not even a drop was wasted. Oh if Dumbedore could see him now, he thought. The headmaster would no doubt enjoy this little display-he would even go so far as to call Severus "caring" or some other sickly sounding word. His face turned sour when he looked down to see that Lupin was starting to regain his consciousness. He was peering strangely at Severus.

"I'm not here to kill you, Lupin," he mumbled, putting the goblet aside. Lupin didn't say anything but groaned again, his head falling back to hit the ground. Severus checked Lupin's pulse, relieved to find that the werewolf was alive. The potion had worked, then.

"Wh...what happ-happened?" Lupin asked groggily, his eyes still half-closed. He didn't try to move, obviously he was still in a lot of pain.

"I stopped by to give you your potion and found you like this, Lupin. Is this a common occurrence?" Severus asked, mockingly. His tone went unregistered by Lupin.

"It-It happens close to the transformation date...it usually leaves me in this state for a couple days, Severus, how'd you manage to stop it?" he inquired.

Severus blinked.

"The Wolfsbane potion, of course," he replied softly. "Surely you've been taking the potion back from whichever hole it is you crawled out from?"

Lupin smiled, pushing himself up and propped himself on his elbows. Severus leaned back, realizing the distance between them was far too close than he'd like to be in.

"Ah, well, I think the potion I've been taking from my other source was not done as well as yours-it only helped me keep track of where I was...I expect I'll be in much better condition now that I've got an excellent brew of Wolfsbane now, eh?" the werewolf said with a grin.

Severus said nothing but stood up to brush his now crumpled robes. He had forgotten that Lupin had left a mark on his skin, and unfortunately the other man had noticed first.

"Did I do that-?" Lupin asked sharply. At least the man had the decency to look guilty, Severus thought viciously. He examined the mark on his arm but it wasn't anything too serious. He'd had far worse injuries than this.

"It appears you no longer need assistance so I shall be on my way. I trust you know where to find me if you need anymore of the potion?" Severus asked.

Lupin nodded gratefully. With a restrained bow, Severus opened the door but before he could leave Lupin spoke.

"You know, Dumbledore told me you liked to act difficult at times but he also said that it was just a clever act to get people to stay away from you."

Severus froze. What was that supposed to mean? Before he could figure out if Lupin was insulting him, the man continued.

"You helped me today, Severus, and I am grateful."

"Dumbledore made me do it, Lupin, I assure you I do not care even an ounce of what happens to you," Severus retorted bitterly.

"And you could have declined, but you didn't. Besides, you could have just left me on the floor but you made sure I took the potion-"

"-just wanted to make sure my potion worked, you understand of course, should it have poisoned you I would definitely have left you there," he said, sneering.

Lupin paused before a grin broke on his face.

"Thank you anyway, Severus. For what it's worth, I'm glad we're on the same side now," and judging from his expression, Lupin meant every word of it. Wanting to take advantage of the situation, Severus posed his question.

"Where _will_ you be transforming anyway, Lupin?"

"Why? Like to see my form again, d'you?" Lupin teased but instantly regretted it. Severus' eyes darkened. So he thought it was funny did he? 

"I merely meant I would want security doubled in case you go trampling around the school-attacking children," his eyes flashed cruelly, "although it _may not be your intention_." His lips formed a vicious smile.

Lupin looked as though he'd been slapped in the face. 

"I'll be in my office," he muttered quietly. Gone was the cheeriness that he had spoken with earlier, Severus noted. Good. He needed to be put in his place. Can't have him running around telling everyone how I saved his life, Severus thought.

"Very well, if there's anything else?" he asked but Lupin shook his head before jumping to his feet. Severus winced when he noticed how long the gash on Lupin's face was. He mulled over, wondering if he should offer the man a healing potion but ultimately decided against it. 

"You should have Poppy look your face over..." he mumbled.

Lupin sub-consciously touched his face as if only noticing the injury. He mustered a forced smile.

"It's alright," he was saying, "used to it by now..."

With a swift turn, Severus left before the man could get a chance to keep him there any longer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for Remus' chapter! Really enjoyed writing this because Remus is one of my favourite characters and I think while he doesn't hate Snape, he does try to tease him a little every now and then. Hope you like it!


	4. Potter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #3- Takes place sometime after Severus becomes Dumbledore’s spy and tells him to hide the Potters. (1980-ish I suppose?)

"So, Severus, have you given any thought about what what we discussed in our previous conversation?"

The question seemed to bring him back from his thoughts and Severus Snape found himself looking directly into the twinkling eyes of Albus Dumbledore. He blinked, trying to focus on what the older man was saying. As though Dumbledore had realized that Severus hadn't been paying attention, the man reached for a kettle and poured the contents into two cups. He slid one to Severus and took a sip from the other. Severus raised the cup to his mouth but didn't drink from it. He set the cup down once more.

"As I was saying, what is your answer?"

"Pardon, headmaster?" he asked.

"I asked you last week, Severus, if you would consider taking up the position of Potions master at Hogwarts for the upcoming semester. Our dear Horace really is ready to hit retirement it seems..."

Severus traced the rim of the cup with his fingers, thinking. He looked up at Dumbledore who was leaning towards him, tense to hear his answer.

"I don't think so," Severus said calmly.

"Oh?" was all Dumbledore said in response.

"I am here, Dumbledore, only for one reason. You promised to protect Lily Potter and in exchange I will give you my services, I will betray the Dark Lord for you but anything else beyond that-I'm afraid I'll have to decline," he finished.

"You know, I do remember you promising to give me _anything_ in return of keeping James, Lily and their child safe," Dumbledore pressed on. Severus sat up, his eyes flashing-Dumbledore had struck a nerve.

"So you'll threaten me with that now? What-I'm expected to teach at this wretched school and in exchange you'll make sure Lily- _her family_ -isn't murdered in cold-blood?"

"Calm yourself, my dear boy-"

"-I am not _your_ boy, I am no one's!"

The awkward silence was unbearable for Severus but Dumbledore looked like he was enjoying himself quite a lot.

"So your answer is....?" he asked again.

Severus' eyebrows creased together.

"No, never," Severus replied, crossing his arms.

"Oh, we shouldn't say never this early on, Severus, we have a long way ahead of us after all..." the infuriating old man said, taking another sip of his tea. Severus followed in his lead, this time drinking the liquid in an attempt to control his emotions. He was ever so angry these days, perhaps he wasn't suited to become a spy after all if he was getting so worked up over nothing...

"I have some good news for you, though I can't elaborate much. The Potters have chosen their Secret-Keeper and will be hidden away for as long as it takes."

This was good news indeed. Severus had to control himself from snorting out loud, it was fairly obvious who their secret-keeper was. Black had always followed Potter around in their school days, no doubt he would have been their first choice to act as the secret-keeper. The Dark Lord would have a good a guess as him but if there was one thing Severus knew about Black, it was that the man would die before giving up his best friends. He was like a loyal dog that way, Severus thought with a sneer. 

"And you're sure they won't try to leave? I don't think Potter has the capability of 'staying quiet', especially when there's so much going on right now," he asked quietly. 

"I have already ordered James and Lily to cease any activity with the Order for now and they've agreed. What with Lily being heavily pregnant at this time and Voldemort being on the hunt for them, James decided it was for the best," Dumbledore explained.

Severus smiled but it wasn't a warm one. He knew Potter would be suffering to be shut in while everyone else in the Order would be running around doing all the saving. There wasn't a lot of happiness in Severus' life but it was little things like this that occasionally warmed his heart better than Butterbeer ever would. He relaxed, his shoulders that had been tense finally dropped and he gave a small, contented smirk. 

As though the stars aligned had realized he was feeling cheery, there was a scorching sensation and he couldn't help let out a sharp hiss. He doubled over, grasping his left arm in pain as the Dark Mark on his skin burned and he felt like it was on fire. When he glanced up, he saw that Dumbledore had stood up, one of his arms reached outwards as if in concern. There was a dark expression on the headmaster's face and Severus felt ashamed of cowering in pain like this. With a pant and all the strength he could muster, he pulled himself back to his seat. He could feel the sweat dripping down his temple now.

"It seems the Dark Lord would like a word-if you'll excuse me, Dumbledore," he managed through clenched teeth. He waited until Dumbledore had nodded before pulling his sleeve up and pressing the ugly mark on his arm. With a sharp crack, he vanished. Dumbledore let out a saddened sigh as he watched the empty seat before him.

****************

Severus had appeared in Malfoy Manor, eyes searching wildly for a sign of his old master. Pushing his sleeve back down, he strode towards the fireplace and flicked his wand at the logs which lit up. With a sigh, Severus settled on a chair by the fire, warming himself up. He didn't know how long he'd been there, didn't notice how the sky began to darken and rain started beating heavily down on Lucius' long-paneled windows. 

He just watched the fire dancing in front of him and became swallowed up by this train of thoughts once again. He re-examined his conversation with Dumbledore trying to wrap his mind about what the other man had said. Lily and her husband were safe, he concluded, and that was the important bit. Black was their secret-keeper so that meant they were in a strong position, he would make sure no harm would come to them. In short, Lily was protected just as Dumbledore had promised. He felt a numbness settle in his chest as he thought about her. He leaned back on his chair and closed his eyes. If he looked hard enough, he could piece together the image of her. He knew she had red hair, and startling green eyes but the rest of her was faded as if he had already forgotten. Oh how he missed her terribly-how long had it been since he'd spoken to her? Or even seen her for that matter?

’She doesn’t want anything to do with you’ a cold voice snarled in his mind. Severus felt in that instant as if someone had wrenched his heart out of his chest and he let the guilt consume him. She had been so wonderful, so free! She had been so excited about life, she had told him how she dreamed of flying through the world. She had been a light, he recalled, and it was because of Severus that that light was now dimmed. He was the reason why she had to go into hiding, he was why she had to be confined in a house-where she couldn't celebrate the life she had dreamed of. How long would she be trapped like that? Until the Dark Lord was defeated? Was that even possible? He had been an idiot-no, a fool! He had given up his friendship in exchange for power and yet here he was, dangling between the arms of the two men that controlled him. Perhaps death was the only way out...but he wasn't a coward, was he? No, he wasn't. He had caused this to happen so he had to do everything he could to put it right again. He owed her, he owed Lily _everything_. And if that came to mean his life, he would give it.

Severus had been so deep in thought he hadn’t realized that someone had been shouting at him until he felt a jolt to his temple. His eyes shot open and in just a flash, he was aiming his wand at the attacker.

”Wait-wait-Severus, it’s me!” Avery called, raising his arms in surrender. Severus started at him for a second and then lowered his wand. He gave the other man a questioning look.

"We’ve got intruders at the Manor, Severus!” Avery was yelling, an expression of joy playing in his face.

Severus’ eyes widened but only for a second. Dumbledore hadn’t told him there was a raid happening-was this a trap? If Aurors were here...if he were to get caught...

”Surely no Aurors would try to raid Lucius Malfoy’s house? He would’ve been notified-he works at the Ministry after all?” Severus pointed out but Avery was confident that he was right.

”No, listen, somebody’s here! I don’t think they’re Aurors though-Order members, more like,” Avery continued, he was now grabbing Severus' robes as though urging him to follow him.

Order members? Dumbledore had failed to mention this. Fearing the worst, Severus stood up and clutched his wand a little tighter. He had trusted Dumbledore...the man had just spoken to him earlier too...surely he’d have said something?

”Where is Lucius?” Severus asked but Avery shook his head.

”Dunno, think he was with the Dark Lord earlier-when they left, said something 'bout a meeting later...but listen, Severus! Mulciber reckons the somebody’s are who the Dark Lord’s been searching for!”

Severus looked at Avery sharply. Surely it couldn't be....

“Where are they? These...intruders?” 

“By the drawing room-Mulce is watching them...he reckons we can outnumber them! The Dark Lord would be so pleased...” Avery said, and there was a sense of greed in the way he said it. 

”You can barely muster a spell, Avery, let alone catch Order members. Stay here," Severus spoke swiftly, grabbing the man's robes roughly, "and once the Dark Lord returns, notify him of what has happened. I will assist Mulciber in the intruders' capture-I am after all the better duelist here." Avery looked as though he wanted to argue but Severus had spoken with so much authority that his only response was to nod weakly. Casting Avery an unwavering look, Severus swept out of the room.

As Severus approached the Malfoys’ drawing room, he spotted Mulciber crouched by the corner. The idiot was peering into the room, every time he would stand up and seem as though he would barge into the room but after a moment he crouched back down again. Severus snorted. It was quite laughable really to see the people the Dark Lord kept in his company. Most of them had been pathetic in their school years and had done nothing to improve themselves.

He sneaked to where Mulciber was poised to jump out once more and grabbed him back by the shoulder. Mulciber gave a small squeak before Severus closed his mouth with his hand quickly. They paused as they listened, someone had dropped something in the room. Severus waited another second before releasing Mulciber.

”How many people are inside?” Severus asked.

Mulciber lifted his hand to show one finger. Only one? Severus frowned, he knew that Order members often worked in large groups, the bigger the better. Did that mean there were more? Avery had told him there were two in total...

”Do you know who it is? Avery said they’re someone the Dark Lord is looking for-?”

Mulciber nodded, smiling.

“It’s Potter!” he whispered back excitedly.

Severus froze, feeling his insides turn cold all of a sudden. He must have misheard-

“How do you know?”

”Saw him coming in-I’d recognize that face anywhere...after all the grief he gave us at Hogwarts, I think I’d know him.”

Potter was here. He was here in the house of Lucius Malfoy...and Dumbledore hadn't known. Severus’ thoughts were racing, he knew he had only a moments time to act before the Dark Lord returned. He grabbed Mulciber again and shook him.

"You will head in first, I will cover you from behind. Attack him but use a stunning spell-we can't have him dead, do you understand?"

Mulciber nodded, his face turning sour that he was being given orders. Severus signaled to Mulciber, one...two...three!

Mulciber jumped into the room, running at full speed. 

“Stup-“

Before he could finish, the Death Eater had suddenly stopped running and looked like he was doing a funny dance mid-air. His legs crossed and he fell with a loud crash. Potter looked up in alarm and a second later felt his wand fly from his hand and land into the hand of-

“Snape!” Potter yelled, the loathing and hatred clear in his voice.

Severus looked up with a terrible smile and lowered his wand. He glanced at Potter’s wand in his hand and then at the unconscious Death Eater lying by Potter’s feet.

”Potter,” he said softly. He stepped forward and as he did, he saw Potter take a step back. Was that fear he sensed in his old enemy’s eyes?

”You must forgive my friend, not a lot of manners this one. Not much good at being a wizard either,” he began.

”You attacked him!” Potter accused, his hand reaching up to fix his stupid glasses.

”An astute observation. What are you doing here tonight, Potter?” he asked. 

Potter seemed to have recovered from his initial shock at being caught. Looking unafraid, he took a step forward now.

”What do you think I’m here for, Snivellus? To put ugly slime-balls like you in Azkaban!”

Charming as always, Severus thought. He thought he saw Potter glance at the door for half a second.

”You made a mistake in coming here tonight. Do you know, Potter, the Dark Lord will be here soon?” Severus asked.

”Yeah? That’s great, I’d love to have a chat with old Voldy-how is he these days? Still look like a snake-faced git?" Potter asked aggressively. Severus caught him stealing another half-glance at the door. Was he expecting company?

”Any one of of them could have accidentally killed you tonight, Potter. Do you not have any concern for your safety?”

"Even if they had killed me, at least I'd have died doing something honorable!" Potter yelled and there was no hiding the pride that shone through his voice. Severus felt his lip curl. He felt the urge to send the man flying through the room.

”How stupidly brave of you, of course, I wouldn't expect anything less from a Gryffindor,” Severus spat bitterly.

”What would you know anything about being brave, Snape? You’re a filthy Death Eater!"

He hadn’t expected it to hurt-coming from Potter-but it had. I’m on your goddamn side, he wanted to scream. Severus gripped his wand a little tighter. He didn't want to lose control, not at a time like this.

"I would have thought, Potter, given your recent engagements and responsibilities, you wouldn't have been foolish enough to put yourself in danger," Severus said harshly.

”What the hell are you talking about?”

"I'm talking about the fact that your wife is pregnant-"

"-don't you dare talk about my wife!"

"Aren't you supposed to be in hiding with her? Do you not realize what would happen if the Dark Lord were to capture you here? He wouldn't kill you, not yet anyway. He'll torture you first, drive you to the peak of insanity and if by then you haven't given away your wife's location, he'll do it all over again. Do you realize that if he has you then it would only be a matter of time before he has _her_ as well? Do you realize any of this or are you as thick as you appear to be?" Severus spoke so softly that he wasn't sure that Potter had heard anything he had said.

Potter looked taken aback by his words. He watched as Potter’s expressions went from confusion to anger to curiosity. Severus thought he saw Potter's eyes light up.

”How’d you know Lily and me are in hiding?”

Severus stopped.

”I'm a _filthy_ Death Eater, as you aptly put it yourself earlier.”

Potter seemed dissatisfied with his answer. He could see the metal gears working around the fool-hardy Gryffindor’s head now-trying to put together the puzzle presented before him.

”You stunned that Death Eater-he could’ve attacked me but you stopped him. Why?”

Severus raised an eyebrow. Why do you think, fool?

"I simply wanted to be the one to catch you. The Dark Lord has been looking for you for a while now Potter, and I imagine he'll reward me for serving your head on a platter."

Potter looked at him with disgust now. But the mad glint in his eyes were still there.

"You could've stunned me yourself-or-or tied me up! You've already disarmed me, you've got my wand...so why are you stalling?

Severus found, for the first time, that he didn’t have a good enough answer. Potter was almost jumping up and down now, like a child who had just discovered where his Christmas presents had been hidden. 

“You...you know what I think?” he asked.

Severus pretended he hadn’t heard.

”Dumbledore told us he’s got a spy-told us that the spy warned him of us being in danger. That’s why we had to go into hiding...he said the spy was someone we knew in school-“

Severus remained impassive. He couldn’t give his feelings away. He turned round to make sure the room was empty.

Severus took another stride forward. This time James Potter did not falter. He only continued.

”We-we asked him who it was-“

”-you must leave now, while no one is around...”

”-he wouldn’t tell us but it's _you_ isn't it? Blimey, wait till I tell Lily-“

With a snarl, Severus lunged at him, holding Potter by the collar of his robes.

”You won’t tell her anything!” he screamed viciously, spit flying everywhere. Potter flinched.

”You won’t tell her anything,” he repeated, letting go of the man’s robe. Potter pulled at his robes, and stepped back once again.

"You must leave-"

Potter's eyes had widened as he reached an arm out. Severus flinched unexpectedly and saw the reflection in Potter's glasses too late-

”SNIVELLUS!” he heard a familiar shout and the next he was hit with a stinging hex. He landed with a thud, opening his eyes to look up at Potter. He heard a pair of footsteps coming to stand beside Potter. He should’ve known.

”Black,” he croaked and was met with a smile from his old tormentor.

”Did old Snivelly here get his hands on you, James? Tough luck, expect it'll take at least six showers to get all the grease marks off-"

Severus felt someone wrench Potter’s wand and his own from his hand. He heard the sound of something rolling away into the dark. He tried to get up but the spell was keeping him glued to the floor. Black aimed his wand at him and he became still, his breath hitched. Was this where he would die?

”Sirius, wait-stop!” Potter was calling but it was evident from Black’s expression he wasn’t listening. Black crouched down, so he could look down on Severus better and smiled again.

"We came here tonight, hoping to take out at least a couple Death Eaters but I never thought it would've been you!" Black said, laughing coldly.

"Sirius, he's not-"

"Leave it, Prongs!"

Potter closed his mouth. It seemed even Potter couldn't control Black's temper.

"Where is Regulus?" Black asked. Severus frowned but didn't say anything. Is that why they had come here tonight? To search for Regulus Black?

Seeing that Severus' silence was no answer at all, Black put his wand to Severus' temple. Potter made a small sound but Black gave a short grunt which quieted him again.

"I've never used the killing curse before, Snape, but I reckon no one would mind if I used it-just this once especially on dirt like you," he threatened. There was still no answer. Severus did not know why he was doing it, why he was making Black furious. It gave him a little pleasure to know that Black was losing his mind over this. He felt a sharp pain in his chest then and let out a groan.

"Sirius-"

"I said shut up, James! They've got my brother!" Black roared.

"I don't know where Regulus is," Snape muttered, wincing at the spell Black had hexed him with.

Black stared down at him, a lock of his hair falling over his face.

"Where is he?" Black asked again.

"I don't know," came Severus' reply and he felt a sting on his cheek now. 

"He says he doesn't know, Padfoot-"

But Potter's pleas fell on deaf ears. 

"If you don't, then there must be someone else who does."

"Your brother hasn't been seen for over a year now! He's assumed to have left the services of the Dark Lord," Severus whispered.

"Where did he go?"

"If you'd excuse me for a moment, I could get the special note he left for us before his departure from the club-"

There was another loud smack, this time Severus could taste blood in his mouth.

"Don't get smart with me, Snivellus-where would he have gone?"

Severus' thoughts were racing now. Black was becoming highly unstable now, and there was no doubt the Dark Lord or a Death Eater could appear at any time now.

"I have no idea."

Black seemed satisfied with his answer this time. He felt the other man's wand press down against his forehead once more and Black gave him a vicious snarl.

"Let it be known that on this delightful day, I, Sirius Black, will rid this world of the scum that is Severus Snape."

Severus braced himself. So this was it then, he thought. Severus knew the killing curse brought no pain so he was shocked when he felt a familiar burning sensation tearing away at him. He let out a shout and tried to reach for his arm but Black's spell was still holding him glued to the floor. At the sound of his scream, Black seemed to snap out of the murderous daze he had been in. Severus shot a pleading look at Potter who seemed to understand what was happening.

"Sirius, we have to go-"

"He'll..kill-her," Severus was saying through a haze of pain.

”C’mon, Padfoot! If Voldemort’s here, he’ll bring his entire troop with him!” Potter warned.

”Let him! I’ll kill them all-every single one! I'm not leaving here till I find out what's happened to Regulus!” Black screamed, looking wildly at the door. But Potter was insistent, and waved his wand at the window. It appeared to have done nothing for a moment, and then a huge scooter came crashing through the window. Glass shattered everywhere as Severus watched Potter pushing Black towards the seat and clambered into it himself. Potter shot Severus a strange look...was that gratefulness he was seeing?

"The next time I see you, Snape, you'll wish you were dead!" Black's final threat loomed in the air as Severus finally sat upright. The spell had worn off now that they were gone. He stood, his knees shaking just slightly, and reached for his fallen wand. In the corner, Mulciber was stirring. He walked to the other man and shook him lightly. He heard footsteps-

***********

"What is the point, Dumbledore, of ordering someone to do something if they just won't listen?"

Severus occupied one of the beds at the Hospital Wing now, and was getting his chest prodded by the matron as Dumbledore sat in a chair opposite him. The old man looked too tired to speak but Severus demanded an answer.

"I assure you, Severus, I thought James would have kept his word..."

"But he didn't! Your precious golden boy and his bloody dog!" he hissed with so much anger and malice that Dumbledore seemed taken aback for a moment.

"You were right, I should've done better...they were extremely lucky that you had been there at the time-"

"-they were lucky! What do you think the Dark Lord did to me, Dumbledore? I had the two most wanted men and I let them get away!"

He couldn't help it, he was having a difficult time containing his pain and resentment. Madam Pomfrey was urging him to be quiet as she assessed him but he didn't have time for this.

"I said I'm fine!" he snapped at her and she seemed to have received his message. With an affronted look, she turned and walked away. He could hear her cursing him for not letting her do her job but found he didn't care at the moment whose feelings he hurt. 

"I'm sorry, Severus, I know Voldemort doesn't take too kindly to failures. How bad was it this time?" Dumbledore asked.

Severus' expressions softened. He didn't want to fight, not after this entire ordeal. He'd rather just move on from it.

"It doesn't matter."

"It does...it hurts me to see you like this, Severus. It's not advisable to pent your emotions up, if you are angry you should show it-throw a rock at my head if it will help but don't bottle it all up."

"I assure you, headmaster, if I ever get the urge to chuck a rock at you I shall do so gladly."

The situation lightened somewhat after that. 

"Why were they there in the first place?"

Severus frowned again. 

"They were looking for someone."

"And whom would that be?"

"Regulus Black. But I told Black that no one had seen him for a while now. For all we know, he's dead."

There was a curious expression on Dumbledore's face now. That was what he looked like when he was thinking, Severus thought. He stood up without warning and gave Severus a light slap on his back.

"Well, Severus, I am glad that you are alright. You'll see yourself out, won't you? I'd escort you myself but I have an appointment with Horace Slughorn. I'm just about to tell him he has to teach for another year-unless you've reconsidered...?"

Severus shot him a mean glare.

"Not yet it seems..." the old man said which an amused chuckled, leaving Severus sitting in the empty hospital room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Severus started teaching around 1981 and my headcanon is Dumbledore has been trying to recruit him since pledging his allegiance to Albus and he declines until just before the deaths of Lily and James.
> 
> *I’d like to imagine that after Dumbledore told James and Lily to go into hiding, Sirius convinces his buddy to go out for a drink. And after a couple glasses, Sirius suggests they go to Malfoy’s house to look for Regulus/kick a few Death Eater’s arses and James agrees. In a way it’s like their ‘last night’ out together.
> 
> *As for Regulus, it’s assumed that he died somewhere around 1979 and I’m guessing the other Death Eaters all think he ran away/got killed. 
> 
> That’s all and thanks for reading!


	5. Longbottom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #4 - Takes place during CoS

It had been an awful week, Severus concluded, as he haunted the Hogwarts corridors in the dark. He had startled two ghosts already, and he wasn't sure which had been the cause of their fright: seeing his sallow face etched in hardened misery suddenly appear before them or the fact that he was prowling in the dark with such ease that they hadn't seen him coming. He could hear the stride in his footsteps echoing throughout the looming corridor, each step in rhythm with his heartbeat. He was miserable, not because Lockhart had been following him around all week asking if he could have access to his private potions store, and certainly not because Potter seemed to have grown more careless and arrogant over the summer, no-it had been an awful week because Muggleborn students were being found petrified at different parts of the school and it appeared that the "Chamber of Secrets" had been opened. He did not know whether it was true or not, it had been an infamous legend back in his days as a student but no one had been able to prove it. Severus himself had researched through plenty of books back when he had first heard the story of Salazar Slytherin and his secret weapon but had been forced to accept that it was just a far-fetched story that was made to frighten the Muggleborn students. 

He remembered how Lily had been affronted when she had found him one evening pouring over a book he had managed to "borrow" from the Restricted Section. 

"Why are you so interested in finding it anyway? That _weapon_ kills Muggleborns like me!" she had shouted. He had looked up at her then, and knew she was furious with him.

"I know, Lily, it was just for fun-I heard Lucius talking about it-"

"I don't care what Lucius Malfoy was talking about, Sev! I've told you to stay away from him, he doesn't like people like me and if you associate yourself with him then I'm going to assume you don't like me either!"

He had closed the book immediately and had had half a mind to throw it into the lake. She had shook her head then, her lips twitching as if she would break her expression. She had laughed and he had relaxed, vowing never to even think about the Chamber of Secrets again.

That had happened years ago, Severus thought grimly, and yet he could still picture her clear as day. 

"Hullo? Is someone there?"

He didn't like it when someone interrupted his thoughts. He absolutely despised it when it turned out to be a student. It had to be midnight, he supposed, which meant that whoever had called out was out past curfew. Severus afforded an evil grin, perhaps he could have some fun after all. Deciding to surprise the unknown student, he sneaked to where the perpetrator's voice had come from. The corridor was coming to an end now and aside from the large window, there was only one classroom there. With all the energy he had, he pushed the door open and felt it slam against the wall with full force.

The classroom was empty. He stared, wondering if he had heard right in the first place. Was he losing his mind slowly?

"I'm over here!" the voice called again and this time it was near enough for Severus to recognize it. 

"Reveal yourself!" Severus shouted and he heard the voice squeak a soft 'I'm at the window!'. His eyebrows raised, he walked towards the open window and looked out at the starry night's sky. He looked down to where the voice had come from.

"Oh no," whispered Longbottom in horror. Severus stared down at the boy grimly. He was hanging seven storeys away from the ground, his robe had caught on to the large spear sticking out of a boar statue outside the window. The spear, it seemed, had been able to withstand the weight of the boy and was the only thing that was currently keeping him from falling to his immediate death. He held in an inward groan at the stupid boy who looked more frightened at seeing Severus than the fact that he was about to die.

"Oh no is right, Longbottom! What are you doing down there you idiot boy?!" he snapped.

The boy began to stutter and Severus heard a few coherent words come out from his mouth, words that sounded a lot like "Malfoy" and "attacked". Those words were enough for Severus to put two and two together.

"Be quiet for a moment, Longbottom, before I kick you down to the ground myself!" 

Longbottom's mouth open and closed, his face paling slightly. Severus extended a hand, looking at the buffoon with disgust. 

"Sir?" the boy squeaked.

"Your hand, boy! Give me your hand so I can pull you up! Or do you want me to get Professor McGonnagall?" Severus threatened and it gave him some satisfaction to see a little tremble in his face. He didn't know why he loved to intimidate him, perhaps it was because Longbottom was too weak to defend himself. 'You were not quite so different once upon a time' a voice spoke at the back of his head, a voice he came to recognize as his weak conscience. With little strength, he pulled the boy back and let go immediately once his foot had touched the solid ground. 

Longbottom was shaking now and Severus wondered darkly how much more he could push the boy before he ran off crying. 

"You're going to tell me what happened, and you're going to do it without babbling like a baboon, do you hear me Longbottom? If you start crying, I will send you on the next train home."

Longbottom nodded weakly and his breath hitched.

"I was on my way back from Herbology-I always stay back late so I can help Professor Sprout and I used this corridor before I remembered it was a Friday-"

"-what happens on a Friday, Longbottom?"

"T-that's when Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle have a free period and they...they always wait for me by this corridor to m-mess with me. Most Fridays I remember and I walk around the lake so they don't get me but today I-I was too busy thinking about the Mandrakes a-and they cornered me. Malfoy used a spell to-to bind my legs and then Crabbe and Goyle tossed me over," he finished.

Severus waited a moment before speaking.

"And how long has this been going on?" he asked, rather unkindly.

Longbottom, instead of answering, brought up both his hands and started counting his fingers under his breath.

"A-about three months, sir," the boy finally answered, looking at his feet in shame.

"And what do you do when they attack you? Do you just stand there and watch?"

He still hadn't looked up but gave a swift nod.

"Look at me," Severus commanded and the boy's eyes flew to upwards, "do you call yourself a wizard, Longbottom?"

There was no answer.

"Answer me."

"No, sir."

Oh, the rage that bubbled up inside of Severus in that instant could not be put into words. He had known that Longbottom was a pathetic wizard with extremely low self-esteem but surely he didn't believe that he wasn't a real wizard? 

"Ten points from Gryffindor. And...detention tomorrow. Right after dinner, you will follow me down to the dungeons where you can expect your punishment to be-ah, just as severe as the behaviour you have shown me today, Longbottom," he added. Longbottom nodded and just stood there, waiting to be dismissed. Severus had to send him away before he threw the boy out the window or strangled him to death.

"Get out of my sight!" he all but yelled and the boy scampered off.

How that one managed to get into Gryffindor at all turned out to be a bigger mystery than finding out who had been petrifying Muggleborns around the school.

***********

"Busy tonight, Severus?" Albus asked as Severus eyed the meal before him. He didn't feel like eating tonight, not when he was too busy feeling annoyed about Lockhart all over again.

"As a matter of fact, I am, Professor Dumbledore. I've got a detention with one of Minerva's brighter students," he said softly, turning to glance at Minerva's reaction. She was looking at him now, her expression was as though she was mentally preparing herself to hear what was coming.

"And who, might I ask, would that be Severus?" she asked as she took a mouthful of chocolate pudding.

"Longbottom," he said with a smirk.

Minerva shook her head and let out a small sigh.

"That boy again...heaven's tell me what has he done this time, Severus?" 

"The question you ought to ask is what hasn't he done, Minerva and the answer is...nothing. He hasn't done anything worthwhile in his two years at Hogwarts, no Dumbledore-attempting to fight Potter and his friends last year _does not count. Frankly, I think we should just send him back with a ‘we don’t want him’ card attached to his back."_

"I was just about to say that some wizards show their talents only when they are facing adversities right in front of them...I remember when I was his age and could barely transfigure my owl into a cup and yet, look at me now..." Albus said teasingly.

"You know as well as I that you are different, Professor Dumbledore! Anyway, I expect that his detention with me might be effective or...not. You better inform Poppy to spare a bed at the hospital wing, Minerva, I have an odd feeling Longbottom will try to off himself in the first thirty minutes," Severus said, this time turning to look at Minerva. She looked a little insulted but gave him a shake of the head and a suppressed smile which to him meant an approval.

"Why were you asking if I had time off tonight, headmaster? Has something come up?"

At this, both Albus and Minerva looked at each other at the same time with amused expressions. He only had to raise an eyebrow. Albus' eyes moved towards Lockhart who was now at the Gryffindor table, shaking Potter's shoulders and urging the Creevey boy to take a picture of them. Severus' lips curled at the sight of the two of them, he didn't know who he disliked more: Big-headed Potter or the absolute-fool Lockhart.

"Professor Lockhart aired his concern for the students of Hogwarts earlier, what with all the recent attacks happening-he would like to hold a staff meeting to discuss this further...he already has plans on how to put an end to the attacks and would like an audience to hear out his-what I assume to be-brilliant ideas," Albus spoke with so much sincerity in his voice that Severus had almost missed the hint of sarcasm in his words.

"I'd rather torture Longbottom for seven hours than listen to what that pea-brained man has to say!" Severus retorted and was met with a sharp jab from Minerva.

"I'll tell him you had other plans then, Severus, but I think I couldn't live with myself if I didn't tell you what exactly he has planned," Albus continued.

This had to be something good, then.

"Professor Lockhart would like to start a dueling club, lead by himself and of course another willing staff who would _assist_ him with demonstrations and such. This event will of course be occurring in front of the students."

Severus felt a crooked smile spread on his face. 

"Oh, and did I mention...I intend to give full freedom to both Professor Lockhart and his assistant providing no Unforgivable curses or hexes of that nature will be taught or used," Albus added quickly.

Well, if he had been having doubts before, not that he had-of course, he would try and get in on this program. It was like Christmas had come early, he could humiliate the fraud that was the new DADA professor and the best part? Dumbledore wouldn’t intervene! 

"So, which of the staff members are thinking of volunteering for this happy little assistant position?" Severus asked Albus and Minerva.

The two of them looked at each other again.

"Well, Severus, we were hoping you'd volunteer and when we told the rest of the teachers, they all agreed that if anyone could match Gilderoy Lockhart's skills it would be you," Minerva said with a wink.

"Excellent, sign my name on the sheet for me, will you? Good evening," he said, standing up. He looked to the Gryffindor table and saw Longbottom's eyes plastered to his and Severus gave a mean smile. He made a beckoning gesture and saw the boy whisper something to Potter, Granger and Weasley before walking towards him. Severus spared a glance at Potter who had a distasteful expression as they stared at each other for a moment. Severus gave a smug smile before turning his attention to the quaking boy before him.

"Dungeons. Now," he ordered.

*************

Severus removed the spells surrounding his private office before opening the door wide enough so Longbottom could slip through. He closed it shut behind him and sealed it, just in case. Longbottom just stood there in the middle of the office, fidgeting with his hands. With a flick of Severus’ wand, the tap by the corner turned with a hiss and water came pouring out. Longbottom looked up to see the stacks of cauldrons that had been packed into the sink and then turned to look at Severus. They watched each other, Severus with a curious look and Longbottom with a look of utmost fear. Then, the boy started to roll up his sleeves as he walked towards the cauldrons.

Severus blinked twice.

"Longbottom," he called and the boy turned in surprise, "what do you think you're doing?"

"T-the cauldrons sir, you want me to scrub 'em, don't you?"

Severus took a deep breath. 

"Did I ask you to scrub the cauldrons, Longbottom?"

"No, sir," came the reply.

"Then why do you assume you know what I think? Another ten points from Gryffindor for thinking you're cleverer than me," Severus sneered. There was a change in Longbottom's face then, had he seen a hint of annoyance? Or was it defiance? Whatever it had been, it vanished at the second glance.

"Stand over there, Longbottom," Severus said softly, pointing to the corner opposite him. Pale and sweaty, the boy obeyed him.

"Tell me how Draco attacked you," he asked.

"I-I was standing about where you are, P-Professor Snape sir, and Malfoy came up-up to me and h-he shot a spell but he missed the f-first time...the second time he g-got me..." his voice trailed away and Severus noted how the boy's cheeks turned red.

"What spell did he use?"

"L-Locom-it was...er...Locomotor M-mer-memphis, sir."

"Locomotor _Mortis_ , Longbottom."

"Yes, sir, sorry, s-sir."

Severus was deep in thought for a moment.

"Good spell but we can try something better. Have you heard of the Jelly-Legs Curse, Longbottom?"

There was no reply. The boy was mumbling something under his breath.

"You will answer clearly when spoken to, do you understand?"

"Yes, sir."

Much better.

"Now, the Jelly-Legs curse-when used on a person, will do exactly as the name suggests. The victim's legs will turn jelly-like and they won't be able to walk properly. Do you understand what I am trying to do here?"

Longbottom looked absolutely horrified. It looked like someone had sucked all the blood out of him.

"Y-You'd like to practice the Jelly-Legs curse o-on me, sir? As punishment?"

There was no hope for him.

"No, you stupid boy! You will practice it on _me_. Did your parents drop you on your head as a child?"

At the mention of his parents, Longbottom's eyes glinted again. Severus did not want to waste any time.

" _Locomotor Wibbly_. Say it."

" _L-Locomotor W-Wibb-Wibbly-_?"

"Longbottom, if you are attempting to curse someone you say it clearly and confidently. Or else your attacker will laugh themselves to death...perhaps that's not a bad idea! You'll distract them with your idiocy that they might even forget why they wanted to attack a fool like you in the first place!" he seethed.

"Again," he ordered, dangerously.

" _Locomotor Wi-Wibbly!_ "

"Pathetic, Longbottom! Listen to me, if you don't say it correctly the third time, I will personally find this heir of Salazar Slytherin and have him feed you to his monster, do you understand?!"

Longbottom nodded meekly.

" _Locomotor Wibbly!"_ Severus demonstrated with a shout.

" _Locomotor Wibbly!"_ Longbottom yelled a second later.

Satisfied with the boy’s incantation, Severus continued.

"Now, you will aim your wand at me and utter the curse I have just taught you. Say it loud and clear, you need to be confident. You need to _mean it_."

At this, Longbottom raised his wand. His hands were shaking and he gulped before yelling, " _Locomotor W-Wibble!_ "

A red light shot out from the tip of his wand and Severus blocked it with a flick of his wrist. He pursed his lips. Having had enough of talking to the boy, Severus aimed his wand at him and a spark shot out in Longbottom's direction. The boy yelped and jumped, avoiding the spell but tripping and falling on his back instead. Severus stepped over him, looming over the small boy.

"Do you hate me, Longbottom?" he asked, looking down at the boy cowering by his feet.

"No, sir," he replied and Severus was a little surprised.

"Why not? I bully you, I push you around but you don't hate me. Draco and his friends throw you out a window-they have a special day dedicated to bullying you and you still let them! How can you be so weak? Why won't you defend yourself? Answer me boy!" 

Longbottom wiped a tear from his face. Severus stepped back a little, had he gone too far?

"Why didn't you fight back?"

"B-because there were three of them, sir-and there's only one of me."

The pure honesty in the child's answer shook him. Had he once been as small and frail as the boy before him now? Had he appeared as weak as Longbottom to his bullies, Potter and Black, back then-is this what they had seen? Is that why they had targeted him so often? 

"Stand up, Longbottom."

Severus didn't think the boy would but he did.

"Do you know why you have to fight back? Even if it's three against one?"

Longbottom shook his head.

"You fight back to show them you're not what they think you are. They look at you and they see a coward, a _weak_ coward who lets people have their way with him. Do you think your parents stood back and let their enemies push them around like you do?"

That sliver of anger returned to Longbottom's face. It appeared he had struck a nerve by bringing up the boy's parents. He couldn't blame Longbottom, Severus had sunk to a new low.

"There's no point in fighting back-I'll lose anyway!" he spoke back.

"Then lose. But do so with some ounce of dignity."

The boy seemed to be taking in what he was saying. Severus glanced at the clock and then at the cauldrons.

"I've done what I can for you Longbottom. Do try to use that brain of yours once in a while, instead of relying on Ms Granger to carry all your burden for you. Once you leave this school, there isn't going to be anyone else hissing instructions for you behind your back! You are dismissed."

As Longbottom opened the door to leave, Draco and his two goons were outside. Severus walked up to let them in.

"We're here for our detention, Professor," Draco drawled, casting Longbottom a nasty grin.

"Yes, come in boys. You'll be continuing where Longbottom has left off-scrub the cauldrons clean and then you may leave. I do urge you to think about your actions, however funny it has been, if Longbottom had fallen to his death I would have been forced to deal with tedious paperwork...not to mention explaining to your father why his son is being shipped off to Azkaban," Severus said softly.

The three boys nodded and walked towards the sink. Severus looked out the door to see Longbottom standing there.

"There's plenty cauldrons to go around, Longbottom, if you feel like you haven't washed enough!" he shouted and heard Draco snicker. Longbottom, hearing this, turned and ran off quickly.

Yes, he had done his best for the poor fool. The rest was up to him now.

************

It was several months later, shortly after the petrified students had been completely healed, that Severus heard the news. Draco had come running into his office followed by Crabbe and Goyle, their movements in an awkward manner that he could not help but sneer at. They had given him a version of their story and told him that Madam Pomfrey had asked them to go straight to him for a counter-curse. Later, as he dropped off the last batch of Mandrake juice, he caught sight of Longbottom lying in a hospital bed. He had a large bump on his head but other than that, he was unscathed. It appeared that Longbottom had both won and lost the fight. Perhaps the idiot wasn't a lost cause after all, Severus thought, and agreed (bitterly) that Albus had, once again, been right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Severus was always so mean to poor Neville in the book and I tried to emulate that onto this chapter here. I think he’s always been a little hard on Neville because he sees himself in the Gryffindor boy, and he wants Neville to stand up to his bullies like he did too. Unfortunately I think he’s just too wrapped up in his own bitterness that he goes about telling him in the wrong way. Anyway enjoy!


	6. Hagrid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #5- Takes place during the battle of Hogwarts, shortly before Severus’ death.

Terror. Darkness. Grief. Death.

He didn’t know how it was possible but Severus could smell it in the air. The thick smoke of air and rubble made the entire scene below him a complete blur. As he flew overhead, he tried to make out anyone he could. He thought he had imagined a giant spider for a second but it vanished just as quickly as it had appeared.

There was no way he could find Potter like this. The only path he had left was the very path he knew had been inevitable. He had to join the battle, had to try his best to keep his cover in order to find Potter and tell him. Tell him that he _had_ to die tonight, that it was the only way the Dark Lord could be vanquished. He hadn’t an ounce of thought how he could tell the boy-no, convince him, but this was war. This was what he had signed up for, what Dumbledore had died for. It was up to him and only him-no one else knew that her boy has to walk off to his own death. Lily Potter’s boy. After everything he’d done to keep him safe, now he was going to undo it all.

With a swift turn, Severus flew downwards-going down, down, down until he felt his feet hit the ground with a thud. There was noise everywhere-it was suddenly hard to think. Everywhere he turned, he had to duck because there were spells being fired from every direction. It was pure chaos.

Severus noticed two students fighting off a Death Eater, but they were barely keeping up. He ran towards them and flicked his wand. There was a horrible snapping sound and the Death Eater fell in a heap before the children. But their eyes were looking at him in horror, fear plastered across their small faces.

”Go! Now!” he screamed after them.

It seemed his search for Potter had to wait. He may have deserted his post as headmaster but he was still responsible for the students. As he turned to his left, he saw a familiar face. Remus Lupin was firing spells left and right, Nymphadora beside him. Looking at them, seeing them fight together made his heart ache. Was that jealousy he sensed? He’d more than agreed that he would live a life of isolation after Lily, that he needed no one or nothing else but looking at the werewolf and his wife now...he wondered what it’d feel like to _have_ someone by your side, especially at a time like this.

He caught sight of the green light flying overhead him. He cast a spell at it, watching helplessly as it did nothing to slow down the other curse. 

“Watch out!” he shouted but it was too late.

Lupin turned, his eyes caught Severus’ form and a look of hatred crossed the other man’s face and then it was surprise. The Killing Curse found its victim and Remus Lupin fell to the floor, eyes wide open and very much dead. He thought he heard a scream-but then it was coming from everywhere. This was too much.

He picked up his pace, running around the house-elves who were also engaged in fighting the giants in the Entrance Hall. A glass orb came crashing down from above, almost hitting one of the elves but Severus roughly pushed it aside. The entire time that was what he did, pushing students out of danger, all the while scanning their faces for Potter. He was running out of time. Perhaps the boy had gone to Hagrid’s, the half-giant had been one of his closest friends at Hogwarts after all. 

With that in mind, Severus ran at full speed and felt his feet vanish under him and then he was flying. Below him, he saw Minerva fighting against three Death Eaters but knew she could take them down with ease. He couldn’t save everyone anymore, not when he had something far more important to do. No, he decided, find Potter first. Join the fight later.

As he left Hogwarts, the noise quieted down. He landed just a few meters away from Hagrid’s hut, which had now been blown apart to smithereens. All that remained were a few rocks. His heart sank, they hadn’t killed him surely? He walked towards the hut, determined that he would find Potter there. As he neared, he could see a few shapes and silhouettes by the edge of the forest. He sped up, sprinting towards the Death Eaters who were fighting Hagrid. They had conjured black ropes, tied the half-giant to a tree but as Severus approached them, he watched as the tree was uprooted.

”’Bout time, Severus! Help us out, would’ja?” one of them called out. He didn’t recognize his voice. There were two others with him, but he didn’t know them either. New recruits, he supposed. 

He flicked his wand. The ropes on Hagrid loosened and began to creep towards the Death Eaters. They stood in shock for a moment, and then the vines grabbed them by the ankles and with a thrust sent them flying over the Forest. He’d given himself away, they would know now-his role as a spy was coming to an end and he could feel it. It didn’t matter anymore, didn’t matter whether the Death Eaters knew whose side he was on. Once he’d found Potter it would be over. He would finally be done.

Hagrid seemed to be struggling to free himself from the loose ropes. Raising an eyebrow, Severus stepped closer to him.

”You keep away from me, Snape!” Hagrid shouted and Severus could hear the anger blazing in his voice. Best not to anger the giant, he concluded and stepped back. Didn’t want the man tearing him limb from limb just yet. Severus took out his wand and raised his hands as show of trust.

”What ‘ye want from me, traitor?” 

“I want you to tell me if you’ve seen Harry Potter tonight, Hagrid.”

Hagrid scoffed. He raised a finger and pointed at him accusingly.

”Why? So ‘ye can kill him like ‘ye killed Dumbledore too, eh?” Hagrid was shaking now, but was it grief that took him now?

”I need to speak to him, Hagrid. It’s important. Something Dumbledore needed me to tell him.”

”Don’t ‘ye dare speak ‘is name! ‘Ye killed him-killed him when we needed ‘im! ‘E trusted ‘ye and ‘ye betrayed ‘im! I should kill you!”

Severus was growing frustrated. 

“Please,” he begged.

It was only for a moment. Hagrid had showed his weakness, his brows had creased together and his eyes widened just a little.

”Why?” the other man asked.

”I need to,” came the answer. 

“No, I mean-why’d you do it? You and Dumbledore-I’ve seen 'ye two together, thick as thieves ‘ye were. He trusted you, defended you with everything he had,” Hagrid’s voice was just a whisper now.

Severus hadn’t realized but his throat had turned into a lump suddenly. He found it was too difficult to speak. He wanted to tell Hagrid the truth, to hell with it all about being a spy-he could see how Hagrid was suffering, how much pain he was bearing. He knew Hagrid had pledged his loyalty to Dumbledore, just as Severus had. 

“I...” he croaked, his voice hoarse.

Hagrid stared at him, waiting. Telling Hagrid the truth tonight of all nights would be dangerous, and yet he thought his life would be just a little less difficult if someone knew. If someone believed him. It was far too tempting but Severus found his thoughts being clouded by an old memory...a conversation he’d had with Albus Dumbledore a great many years ago.

_”To be a spy is to sacrifice everything you have and own, to be rid of everyone that is close to you. That is the burden you carry, the curse you bear and I know I ask far too much of you and for so little in return. You have given me everything of yours to me, and nothing to everyone else. That is why you are the most valuable person I have, why you with an exception from Harry is the only person I would entrust my life with. You have faced countless difficulties and anytime at all you could’ve come clean, taken credit for the work you’ve done and live free from isolation but why don’t you do it?”_

_”Because it’s the difficulties that remind me of who I am. What I am. Whenever I feel something has become too simple, too easy, I ask myself: have I started to slip? Have I become too comfortable with my life? In my line of work, nothing is easy or simple. The second it turns to that then I will know.”_

_”Know what, Severus?”_

_”That I have given in to temptation and I have strayed from my path. And that is when all will be lost.”_

Severus swallowed hard. He forced himself to think clearly. If he told Hagrid the truth, what if Potter found out before it was time? What if the Dark Lord found out? It was not likely but it was a risk. He almost kicked himself. He had almost given in to his emotions, almost destroyed the entire plan because he had wanted someone to understand him. It’s too late for that now, he scolded under his breath.

“Tell me if you’ve seen Potter,” he asked again, trying to regain his composure.

Hagrid had resumed his defensive stance once more.

”Tell me.”

There was a cackle from above. Severus and Hagrid whipped around at the same time to see two Death Eaters behind them on broomsticks. They jumped off and ran towards him. 

“Severus, the Dark Lord-“

”What do we have here?!” Alecto Carrow screamed joyfully. She hurled a spell at Hagrid, the force knocking him against a tree and holding him there as though it were invisible ropes.

”No-don’t hurt him-!” Severus yelled and Alecto froze.

Lucius was pulling at his robes and Severus pushed him off roughly.

”I’ll do as I please, Headmaster,” she drawled and flicked a long mark against Hagrid’s face.

”No! The giant is a friend of Potter’s you fool! You keep him alive and make him find the boy for you!”

Realization dawned on the witch’s face. 

“Severus, the Dark Lord is asking for you,” Lucius whispered.

Severus turned to face his old friend. Lucius Malfoy looked so different now, gone was the handsome and powerful Ministry official. His face was gaunt and thin, he looked like a corpse. Severus forced a smile.

“Yes, I will join him shortly, Lucius, right after I capture Potter,” he said simply and turned but Lucius had caught his arm.

”No, he said he had to see you _now_. He’s at the Shrieking Shack.”

Severus’ mind was racing. Why now? The battle was at its peak, surely the Dark Lord expected his best fighter to be in the midst of the war? Why call him back...unless? He had already captured Potter? But that would be impossible, if Potter had been captured he would know. They would all know. Then why-?

”Did he say anything else?” Severus asked but Lucius shook his head. 

“I didn’t ask-I came as fast as I could-this was the only way I could-could...”

”Look for Draco,” Severus finished. Lucius nodded.

”Find him, then. The Dark Lord will not be watching you, he’s too occupied with finding Potter,” he urged the other man. Lucius nodded in agreement and turned to go but he hesitated. He took Severus’ hand.

”Thank you, Severus, for everything. If it weren’t for you...”

Severus gave him a forced smile again.

“Don’t go, Severus.”

”I beg your pardon?”

”The Dark Lord. Don’t go.”

”I have given him my loyalty, you were there the night I kneeled for him and had him burn his sigil on my skin. Or have you forgotten?”

Lucius had the decency to look away.

”You protected them. Narcissa and Draco. More than I ever could.”

The night was silent now, save for Alecto taunting Hagrid behind them.

What was this? Was Lucius trying to reconcile with him?

”Yes, when it should’ve been you, Lucius. Don’t be a fool any longer and keep them safe. I won’t be around forever,” he whispered. 

“Don’t go.”

”I have to. I’ll see you soon, Lucius,” Severus said.

Lucius shook his head, rubbing his face against his robes. 

“Goodbye, Severus,” Lucius called.

Severus blinked. There was something there, he thought. His words had sounded final. Why did he say goodbye? Deep down, Severus knew why but he wouldn’t dwell on it. He had known this was coming, known it for years-since Lily had died that his time for penance would come but he couldn’t. Not yet. He’d convince his master to find the boy. That was the plan.

He approached Alecto who had marked Hagrid’s face with multiple scars. The man, while bleeding, did not say anything at all. 

“Try not to kill him, won’t you, Alecto?” He snapped. He shot a glance at Hagrid but his eyes were closed. He had done all he could for Hagrid now. He had to stick to the plan. Find the boy. 

And with that in mind, Severus thought of the Shrieking Shack and disappeared with a loud crack. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was kind of hard writing this and I know the Lucius side-plot was too sudden but I just had to squeeze it in! Thank you for reading!


	7. Narcissa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #6 –Takes place in September 1979

The meeting had gone well. No, that was an understatement-the meeting had gone extremely well and the evening had ended, for once, on a good note. The Dark Lord had been in a pleasant enough mood that he had allowed the Death Eaters a night to celebrate.

Severus grinned as he watched Avery and Goyle struggling to chug an entire bottle of Firewhiskey down their throats as the others cheered them on. He wasn’t entirely fond of them-or any of the other Death Eaters for that matter, he knew they would turn their backs on him if it came down to it and had done so on many occasions but today was different. Today, they had acknowledged him as part of the pack, and he’d felt a thrill rush through him when they raised their glasses to his name.

When he had first knelt before the Dark Lord and taken his branding of the Dark Mark, none of the Death Eaters except for Lucius Malfoy had supported him. They had taken one look at his timid and lanky figure and had underestimated him. They saw him as no threat, and treated him as such. He was given menial tasks, making potions and treating injured Death Eaters when it was required of him. Severus found he was content with it, he had enjoyed his first two years serving the Dark Lord at the Malfoy Manor. Brewing and healing came like a second nature to him and when he wasn’t doing that, he’d be in the library researching on Dark spells and potions he could perfect.

Life as a Death Eater, however, took a turn for the worse when more and more people began to defy the Dark Lord. The rebellion against him turned worse, and soon enough Death Eaters were either being rounded up or killed by the Ministry and the Order of the Phoenix. The ones who had been captured were taken into interrogation, and they gave up the names of the other Death Eaters. Severus soon found himself wrenched from the comfort of the Manor and thrown out into the field by the Dark Lord.

Everyday he would take part in raids and attacks, and every day he would stand back and watch as innocent Muggles and Muggleborns were murdered in cold-blood by his fellow Death Eaters. He even recognized some of them, most of them he remembered from his days at Hogwarts. Mary Macdonalds was one, she had been one of **_her_** close friends. Macdonalds had remembered him too, and she had begged him not to let Nott murder her or her family but there wasn’t anything he could do. He had witnessed her execution, he’d seen the life leave her eyes as the green jet of light hit her in the chest and she fell upon the bedroom floor, limp and wide-eyed. Something had happened then, he had felt a cold chill run down his spine while Nott laughed at the sight of her lifeless body. He hadn’t felt it but Severus did; a part of his soul had shattered and he would die before he let it happen again. That night, Severus vowed that he would never take the life of another.

He was reassigned after that, because the others soon came to realize that he wouldn’t take part in their _dirtier_ affairs. He dueled and fought his enemies, even went as far to torturing some of them but he never once killed. The Dark Lord had been furious, and after weeks of suffering his wrath he had been given a new task: to shadow Albus Dumbledore at all times, whether during the day or night. And Severus had performed this job tremendously well, it was then that he knew instantly that he had always been born to be a spy. He had the right discipline, knowledge and the most uncanny ability to blend in with his surroundings without anyone noticing. It was in this manner that he had overheard Dumbledore one night at the Hog’s Head. His old headmaster had been going round asking the bartender if he could book a spare room upstairs for a private matter. When the bartender pressed him for more details, Dumbledore informed him that he was going to meet a Seer and that it had something to do with the Order.

Severus had rushed off to share this news with Lord Voldemort who had been delighted that they were finally making progress in the war. He had reprieved Severus then, and called for a celebration. The Dark Lord announced to the rest of the Death Eaters that Severus was finally worthy enough to serve under him. Severus had decided then that he would do whatever it took to find out about Dumbledore’s secret rendezvous with the Seer. The rest of his life and future depended on it.

“Oi, get off the table!”

Severus looked up to see Lucius Malfoy screaming at a few Death Eaters who were now scrambling awkwardly to get off the long, mahogany table. Lucius barked with laughter at the sight of them them and took a long gulp from the wine bottle he was holding. Even Lucius was in a merry mood tonight, and Severus felt a little warmth in his chest knowing he was the reason that everyone was having a good time tonight. 

He turned around and spotted Narcissa Black hidden away in a corner, far away from the rest of the group. She was nursing a full glass of wine and had a very miserable expression on her face. She was a very beautiful woman, Severus had to admit, but there were times when he felt as though she was hiding a great sadness from the world. No one else had realized because she cleverly hid them behind her sweetened words and charming smiles but he knew. He'd seen it in her eyes the first time he'd met her, she was as hollow and empty as him. Narcissa could try and hide it from the others but Severus always knew.

He raised a hand at her but she hadn't noticed. He strode towards her.

”Hello,” he called out as he neared.

Narcissa seemed to snap out of her thoughts and upon seeing him, smiled warmly. He looked down at the drink in her hand.

”Not in a celebratory mood, Narcissa?” he asked with a smug smile. She shook her head, her eyes pointed downwards to the floor.

”Everything alright?” Severus asked worriedly, searching her eyes for any signs of distress.

”It’s kind of you to ask, Severus, but I’m fine,” she replied but as she did, she glanced over to where Lucius stood. Severus frowned.

He remembered Lucius telling him that Narcissa and he had been seeing each other more exclusively. He knew that Lucius liked her, and more so respected her. Severus had expected that she would be receiving a marriage proposal soon, but the way Narcissa was looking at him now told him otherwise. Perhaps this was a lover’s spat, and the last thing Severus wanted to do was to get in between them.

“Severus! Come join us-ah, is the lad bothering you, Cissa?”

Severus and Narcissa turned at the same time, and saw Lucius walking towards them with a crooked smile on his face. It was evident from his staggering walk and overjoyed expression that he was very much intoxicated.

”No, Lucius, it’s fine. We were just discussing Severus’ recent success-“

”Ah, but of course! We all had our doubts-no one wanted to trust the little half-blood...but he got there in the end, eh? Just needed a little-hiccup-push and 's was all alright in the end...” Lucius slurred, and aimed a hard slap on Severus’ back.

Severus mustered a weak smile, but he was the only one. Narcissa’s expression was dark, and had been the moment she’d seen him walk towards them. 

”Here, a toast!” Lucius yelled, and three glasses of champagne appeared in his hands. He thrust one to Severus and another to Narcissa who refused, showing him the full glass she held in her own hand.

”To the Dark Lord!”

Lucius stumbled, the drink from his glass spilling out over Severus’ dark robes. He laughed as Severus struggled to pull him up to his feet. Cursing under his breath, Severus half-lifted Lucius into a standing position and heard him yell.

”Get your dirty hands off me! Goyle! Give us another drink, go on!”

Narcissa and Severus watched as Lucius sauntered off back to the crowd of Death Eaters, who were now jeering and laughing at the family portraits hanging around the manor. Severus turned to Narcissa with a half-raised eyebrow and raised his glass.

“To the Dark Lord,” he said.

“To the Dark Lord,” came the reply.

Severus watched as she brought the glass to her lips, her hands trembling. As the drink touched her mouth, she turned pale as if she were going to be sick. Severus followed her gaze down to where her other hand was on her stomach in a protective stance. His eyes widened in realization.

”You’re pregnant,” he blurted.

Narcissa’s eyes grew bigger but she did not say anything. Severus laughed.

”Congratulations! Why didn’t you tell me-Lucius didn’t say anything or I would have-“

”-he doesn’t know!” she hissed, grabbing Severus’ hands roughly and pulling him behind the pillar she had been leaning against.

”You can’t tell him!”

He raised his eyebrow.

”Why? I know Lucius, he’d be pleased...”

Narcissa’s eyes had turned red, and they were brimming with tears as she looked away.

”Narcissa, what-?”

She had let go of him abruptly. She pushed him away with a light shove and turned towards the door. The next minute, she was gone. Confused and alarmed at the sudden change in her, he followed after her hurriedly.

”Narcissa, wait!”

”Go away, Severus!”

She was fast, but not as fast as him. She had reached the outermost part of the Manor, the part Severus knew was free from protective enchantments. She's going to apparate, he thought. Warning bells were going off in his head, he knew she was unstable-Lucius would never forgive him if he knew Severus hadn’t tried to make sure Narcissa was alright. He had to make sure she was alright, for Lucius' sake. In front of him, Narcissa hadn't yet realized that Severus was high on her tail. He bit his lip worriedly, and then he lunged forward just as there was a loud _crack_. He felt his fingers grasp her arm, and heard her gasp as a deafening sound thundered around them. He closed his eyes, everything was getting tighter and then they reappeared on solid ground. 

Severus opened his eyes and let out a small gasp for breath. Narcissa was standing in front of him, her wand pointed towards him and she looked absolutely livid. He raised his hands over his chest defensively.

”Narcissa, wait-w-what are you doing? What’s going on?” he asked, raising his voice.

"Why did you follow me? What the hell were you thinking?"

"Me? I wanted to make sure you were alright-what-what are we doing here? Why'd you come here?"

I can’t tell you, Severus. I can’t tell anyone!” she yelled. Her anger was manipulating her magic, and it was starting to turn volatile. Severus stepped back with apprehension as her wand began to shoot out sparks.

”I don’t-I don’t understand...you’re pregnant! You should be happy!”

”Happy? I’m supposed to be happy?! How _typical_ of a man, _telling a woman how she should feel_!”

Severus blinked. A crease appeared between his brows as he stared at her in confusion.

”What-are you telling me this news upsets you? But I thought you and Lucius were-“

”-were what? Tell me, Severus, what did you think we were?”

“You know what I mean...you’re together-you and him,” he said weakly.

Narcissa howled with laughter.

”Are we Severus? It seems everyone but Lucius seems to think so!”

”I...I don’t understand...”

Severus looked at her helplessly. Gone was the soft, timid woman he had seen before. She was now replaced with a fiery rage of a woman who looked a little mad in the moonlight with her silver hair flying all around her. He kept his mouth closed, wondering what on earth he could possibly say to her, not when he didn't know what was wrong.

”Put down the wand, Narcissa,” he whispered, taking a step forward, “Put it down and we-we can talk, if there’s something wrong...I can help,” he said softly.

”Do you know where we are, Severus?”

“Tell me what’s wrong...”

”They call this place the Lover’s Scorn,” she whispered, ignoring his pleas. Her wand still pointed at him, she tilted her head in the direction of the lake.

“This is where witches and wizards come to seek an end to their troubles.”

He felt cold all of a sudden.

“Listen, just put the wand away...we’ll go back-“

”They say the temperature of the river is bewitched, you know. They say that once you've committed yourself to your final act, when you step inside-it'll be the cold that will kill you first. I wonder if it will hurt, Severus?" she asked, and he noticed how helpless she sounded. 

The silence stretched over them. Severus could feel his hands shaking terribly. He hadn't expected the evening to turn out like this, and he certainly hadn't been prepared for what was happening-or about to happen. He had to find a way to get her to listen to him, he had to convince her that she was behaving foolishly. _Say something_ , a voice in his head was screaming but he felt as though someone had glued his tongue shut to the roof of his mouth.

”You weren’t supposed to be here. It was supposed to just be the two of us,” Narcissa whispered, her hand going back to her belly. Severus clenched his hands to stop it from trembling. He could feel fear and dread seeping slowly into his veins.

”Narcissa, you’re upset...please...come with me,” he pleaded, but she shook her head firmly. She sniffled, wiping her tears on the back of her sleeve.

”I’m tired, Severus,” she said pressing her chest as she spoke, “it hurts-it hurts _all the time_. Do you know what it feels like, Severus, to...to give your whole self to another person and have them throw it back at you? Do you know the ache I feel when I look into the eyes of someone I love and know that-that whatever I do, it won't ever be enough?

Severus swallowed, his throat feeling tight all of a sudden. The corner of his mind was prickling, and he forced himself to think about anything but the pair of brilliant green eyes that haunted his dreams each night.

”I love him, Severus! All I do is give and give and give and what do I get in return? Nothing!"

“But he loves you! Lucius does love you-please, come back with me...I can speak to Lucius, I can help fix this, Narcissa," he pressed.

She laughed coldly.

”There’s no fixing what isn’t broken! I thought-back in school, I thought he didn't know what love was...I thought I could change him but now I realize...I've been such a fool! He was capable of loving someone...it's just that it wasn't me," Narcissa said, clutching her chest in pain again.

”No...no, you're a fool if you think Lucius loves someone other than you. I know him, there is no other woman-"

”Who said it was a woman?”

There was a short pause.

”What are you-?”

”The Dark Lord, Severus!” she exclaimed, "he only loves the Dark Lord! Whenever he sees him, he grovels at his feet....it's always the Dark Lord this and the Dark Lord that-"

"Is this what this is about? You're feeling left out because Lucius wants the Dark Lord's approval? You're acting like a petulant child!" Severus hissed under his breath.

There was a loud ringing noise then, and Severus reeled back clutching his face. Narcissa had smacked him hard across the face; it wasn't anything he wasn't used to, after all Tobias had loved teaching Severus in the same manner, but it shocked him all the same.

"Is that what you think of me? A _child_ who is threatening to end her life because her boyfriend won't love her like he loves the Dark Lord?"

"Certainly looks like it to me," he replied coolly.

"You're wrong! I thought...you of all people would understand..."

"Understand what, Narcissa? What we're discussing here is treachery to the Dark Lord! If he finds out...he'll kill you."

”Why do you think I’m here? I'd sooner take my life and my child's before I let _him_ kill me!"

"You're taking your child's life away because you're _jealous_ of the Dark Lord? Narcissa, you're an intelligent woman-don't tell me you don't see what you're doing here!" he shouted, his temper overtaking his fear.

" _Jealous? Jealous?_ I have grown up my whole life with parents who would no sooner sell their own children to another pure-blood family to keep their status! I grew up with a sister whose love and passion was directed towards a _monster_ when she was twelve years old! And then I met Lucius, who I thought would finally love me the way I deserved to be and then I find out all that love he has inside of him is for no one but the Dark Lord! Do you see, Severus, how all my life I have competed for love for the one man who cannot feel it when it is right in front of him?"

Severus was quiet. The woman had long foregone respect for the Dark Lord, and it took Severus all the strength he had not to leave her where she stood. Maybe she did deserve to die, he thought viciously, no one who spoke of Lord Voldemort in the same way she had would still be breathing right now. She was extremely fortunate that Severus was too much of a coward to kill her.

"But I would take all of that...I would marry Lucius and I would serve the Dark Lord as the rest of you do. I would do it until it kills me."

Severus' head jerked up in her direction.

"But I won't let my child go through it. I won't raise my son in a house where he feels as though he has to compete for his own father's love!"

Narcissa started to cry again. It hurt him to see her in pain. He had forgotten all that she had said already, it didn't matter. None of it mattered. He knew why she was hurting now. It was for her unborn child. Narcissa was an extraordinary woman, he realized, for who else would be capable of loving something that barely even existed? He wondered how he would have turned up if he even had one parent who had loved him as much as Narcissa loved her child. But what use was her love for her child if she wasn't going to be around to show it? What point would there be if there wasn't a child to be loved this much in the first place?

"Killing yourself and your child won't help, Narcissa," Severus whispered.

”What else am I supposed to do? I can’t keep my baby-I don’t want him to live in a world like ours. What happens when he comes of age, Severus? Do I raise him just to see him become a Death Eater like his father? Do I watch him grow into a man just so he can then die at the hands of the enemy? Is that better than not letting him exist in the world at all?

”Narcissa, please-you don’t mean this-“

"I do, Severus, and if you had any sense you would too! You hate being a Death Eater-do not try to deny it! I've seen the way you look every time you come back from missions, it breaks you a little every time, doesn't it?"

"We promised to serve him, Narcissa, we don't have a-"

"-a choice? Yes, you do this because you're _forced_ to. You see, Severus? People like us...there's no way out...so I'm taking my own way out. I define how I will live and how I will die."

"I'm not going to stand here and watch you die," Severus retorted angrily.

"I'm sorry that you came, Severus. But what's done is done."

She flicked her wand so suddenly that Severus did not have enough time to react. Thick, black ropes sprang out from the end of her wand and attacked him. He fell face down, tasting dirt. The thick cords held him trapped to the ground and all he could do was yell at Narcissa as he watched her step towards the lake. She looked back at him with a sad smile and then she was gone. He couldn't get a good look because of the ropes weighing him down. He continued to struggle and felt the bind against him weaken. Her magic was wearing off-she was dying. Now that the ropes were loose, he bent awkwardly to reach for his wand under his robe.

"Diffindo!" he exclaimed and felt the binds rip apart, freeing him.

He did not have time to think, he was running towards the lake at full speed. Severus threw his heavy robes by the grass and leapt in. At first, he felt nothing and then the icy cold water began to cut into his skin. He screamed in pain, trying to focus on why he had jumped in in the first place. Narcissa. He swam, his mind shutting out the physical pain he was feeling. He searched through the murky waters and spotted a dark figure lying at the bottom of the lake. Severus always felt he was a decent swimmer, he had gotten his talent from the hours he spent practicing in the dirty river across his house when he had been a child. He was pushing hard against the currents, refusing to believe Narcissa could be dead.

As he approached the figure, he knew it was her-he had recognized her instantly by her hair. He turned her, so that he could see her face. She looked pale but she was still breathing. He aimed his wand at her, and as his spell lifted her from the water and out on the surface he felt relief spread throughout his body. He swam after her, and did not stop until his head had touched the surface and he could breathe air again. His entire body was quivering in the cold as he dragged himself back to land. Narcissa was floating in the air, she was an inch away from the water's surface. Severus moved her to lie next to him and he covered her with his robes.

He counted to three and they vanished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this fic was for Snape & his students/colleagues but I just had to include Narcissa too. Quite long so I split it into two chapters. I really love reading your reviews and I hope you enjoy!


	8. Narcissa II

Severus reappeared in his living room with Narcissa under him. Their wet clothes were now drenching the carpet but he could care less at the moment. He dragged Narcissa's unconscious body towards the fireplace in one swift motion. Teeth chattering from the cold, he set the fireplace working. The warmth from the fire gave him temporary relief but he still had a lot of work to do. Narcissa was alive, but barely. He had to circulate oxygen back into her system, and then he could worry about bringing her temperature down.

"T-Tergeo," he muttered and watched as Narcissa's dress began to dry up. He pulled his robes off her so that her chest was exposed to him. He bent over her and pumped roughly. He remembered watching this on television a long time ago, and hoped the Muggles had been right about their compression theory. His pale fingers shook as it moved over her face, tilting it upwards and gingerly forced her lips apart. He pinched her nose closed and then placed his lips over hers tightly and blew twice. He watched her chest rise slightly. He stood up and pushed against her chest a few more times until she let out a loud gasp. Her eyes opened weakly, saw him and closed again. She was alive, he thought falling back with a tired laugh. No, he couldn't rest-not yet.

He stood up, ignoring the sharp pain in his knee as he did and staggered towards the bookcase. He pushed it to the right and it gave way to reveal a hidden doorway with staircases leading downwards. He stood at the top of the steps, and pointed his wand below.

"Accio Pepper-Up!"

There was a distinctive clanging sound and then a small bottle zoomed through the air. Severus caught it with one hand and half-ran back to where Narcissa lay, her face and lips blue. He lifted her head gently and laid it over his lap. With one hand he forced her mouth open, uncorked the bottle and poured its contents in. He had given her twice the recommended dose, but it wouldn't give any nasty side-effects. Perhaps she'd be stuck with a headache for a couple of days but he felt that would be more bearable than having her die in his house. The potion was beginning to work, he could see the colour returning to her cheeks and her breathing had become stable.

There were better potions stocked away at the Manor, but he couldn't risk bringing Narcissa there now. There would be too many questions, and as quick-thinking as he was Severus felt he couldn't fool most of them. Certainly not Lucius or the Dark Lord. They would know he was lying and that'd be the end of him. No, the best course of action was to keep her here until she woke again. 

Severus slowly began to examine his own body for injuries. There were small cuts over his arms and legs, and an ugly slash on his knee. He must have hit a rock when he had jumped in. And then the weight of what had happened really hit him. He, Severus Snape, had risked his life and jumped into a river _known_ for killing people just to save the woman who was now lying unconscious across from him. He had gone into the water, not even thinking about the fact that the two of them would have drowned and no one would've known to look for them. His eyes traced the woman's face once more. Was he in love with her? Was that why he had behaved in such a reckless manner? He shook his head. He knew what it felt like to love someone, the feeling of overwhelming light that came over him whenever the thought of the person came into his mind. No, it wasn't Narcissa that brought those feelings in his chest, it was Lily Evans. He sighed with relief. It was painful enough to long over one person who wasn't interested in him, he didn't need to add more to it.

Then why had he done it? He had seen something in her, something he didn't see in any of the other Death Eaters. There was goodness in her, he thought, she was a good person who had been put in a difficult position nearly all her life. They were similar in that way. Severus had grown up with parents who loathed each other, and they couldn't stand the sight of him either because he reminded them too much of the other. And so Severus had searched for love somewhere else, just as Narcissa had. It was just unfortunate for them that the person they decided to love had decided they weren't worthy of it. No, that wasn't it. Severus didn't deserve Lily, just like how Lucius didn't deserve Narcissa. Lily Evans and Narcissa Black, two women who would do anything for the people they loved. He couldn't let Narcissa waste her life away like this, he decided. He would do his best to change her mind once she'd woken up.

*

"Ughhh....."

"It's alright, Narcissa, you're alright..."

Narcissa groaned again. Someone was speaking to her...he sounded familiar. With another grunt, she slowly opened her eyes and saw a small lamp swinging above her. Wherever she was, it was extremely dark and she was thankful because her eyes had still not become adjusted to her surrounding yet. She tried to move but her entire body felt numb. Her head was pounding too.

"W...What happened?" she asked. She felt a presence hover over her then, and someone touched her arm gently.

"It's alright, pull yourself up now-slowly..."

Narcissa was lifted into a sitting position. She blinked several times, and she could finally see the pale, worn down face of Severus Snape looking at her warily. And then memories came bursting through her mind-she was walking into a lake, the water was awfully cold and then she heard Severus screaming her name but everything had become dark.

"I-I remember," she blurted out.

"Good, I hope you've come to your senses about how stupid you've been," he chided, leaning back against the leg of the armchair. They were both on the floor, in a small and cramped living room. There was a large red box by Severus' feet, and vials of bottles and cotton pads were lined up inside. He held one of the bottle in his hand, and poured it over a long gash over his knee. He winced when the liquid made contact with his skin.

"Ferula," he murmured, pointing his wand at the wound and immediately bandages appeared, wrapping itself around his knee.

"You jumped in too," she said rather timidly.

"Yes, I couldn't just stand back and watch you drown, could I?"

She was silent. 

"Thank you, Severus. You shouldn't have done it, but thank you all the same."

"Does that mean you're going to try and kill yourself again? Because if you are, I'd appreciate if you didn't tell me where you're headed the next time," he said, lacing his words as venomously as possible.

"I never asked you to follow me!" she interjected.

He pursed his lips disapprovingly. She knew he wanted to say more but he was controlling himself. There were times she could not believe he was far younger than her, and this was a perfect example. She knew that none of the other Death Eaters would have reacted the same way he had. Amycus or Avery or Crabbe would have killed her the minute she had cursed the Dark Lord, or they'd have brought her to the man himself to be tortured and punished or killed. But Severus had listened. He had heard everything she had had to say, and he had still gone to save her. Was he truly a Slytherin? He hadn't let his ambition to become a great Dark wizard stop him from saving her life. No, this small little half-blood boy was so much more than what the rest of the world had painted him out to be.

"I'm sorry. You're hurt because of me, and I'm still...I'm sorry, Severus," she said, looking up at him.

"What are you going to do, Narcissa? You can't run away, and you can't take your own life. You need to figure out a way out of this," Severus replied, gritting his teeth.

"I'll go back. To him, to Lucius. And I'll marry him, just as my parents intended."

"And your child?"

"I'll keep him. I'll raise him, and then many years after that, I'll lose him."

Her chest was hurting again. 

"You won't. I'll do everything in my power to keep your child safe, Narcissa. It may not mean so much, but you have my word," he whispered. 

Narcissa could feel the tears threatening to fall again. Severus reached out then, and clasped her hand in his. She looked up at his cold, dark eyes which had softened somewhat in the light.

"Lucius cares for you, and he _will_ care for your child. It's not love he feels for the Dark Lord, Narcissa, it is devotion. He knows the Dark Lord will protect him, and by that extension you will also be protected. I know him, and I know he will not let anything happen to you or your baby," Severus spoke so genuinely that Narcissa felt compelled to believe him.

"It's-it's a boy," she said, crying freely now. Her teardrops were splashing over her robes, staining them. He reached out and wiped it away with his calloused hand.

"How do you know?" he asked.

"I can feel it. He's strong, he is. I have not known for long, but the past weeks that I have-it's like he knows I'm hurting and he keeps me from continuing to hurt...I can feel him, Severus."

Severus nodded.

"He's as strong as a serpent, like his mother. Raise him like you wish you'd been raised, Narcissa, and love him like you wish to be loved. He will grow to love you as fiercely as you, I know he will."

She gave him a watery smile. She brought his hands over to her lips and kissed them. The intimacy of it disturbed him, and she could feel him twitching to pull away but he didn't.

"I wish it was you I loved," Narcissa said, and she meant it. She knew that Severus was twice the man that Lucius was, and knew in her heart that he would not have hurt her as badly as Lucius had. Severus smiled at her, but it was a very sad one.

"Ah, but I am only a half-blood, Narcissa, and I'm afraid I have already spent my love on another."

"You...you love someone?" she asked.

"And besides, think of what dear Bella would say! She would positively die from the shock," he said with a mischievous grin. Narcissa, for the first time in ages, laughed out loudly and heard her voice ringing through the empty room. She looked around the place now and noticed shelves upon shelves of books scattered throughout the living room.

"Is this your house?" she quizzed, hoping he wouldn't try to deflect again.

"Yes, my parents' house actually. Inherited when they died."

"Doesn't really look like much, does it?" Narcissa asked, wrinkling her nose. Severus grinned, looking around.

"No, it doesn't. But it's the only place I know...other than Hogwarts, of course."

"You should come and live at the Manor. I'll tell Lucius-there's more than enough rooms, plus you're there almost everyday anyway."

"That's kind of you, Narcissa but I have to decline. You and Lucius will be married soon and you've got a boy to raise...I wouldn't want to get in the way. And besides, I think I won't be around you lot any longer...the Dark Lord has plans for me elsewhere, I think."

"But you must come for the wedding. I know I'd be miserable if you couldn't come. And when the baby is born too, of course," and soon Narcissa was making a long list of events that she expected to see Severus at. All he did was nod and smile, but part of her liked to think that he enjoyed being wanted at someplace. She knew she couldn't ever love him the way she loved Lucius, but she loved him in her own special way. She knew that he loved her in his own way too, or he wouldn't have done any of the things he had done to save her life.

"Severus?"

A smile tugged at the corner of his lips when she said his name.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"You meant it, didn't you? You'll keep him safe from harm?"

"With my life, Narcissa. Should you ever need, you can always find me here. I will do anything for you and Lucius, and someday for your boy."

And with that, she threw herself towards him and locked him in an embrace. He froze, but as she hugged him harder she felt him relax.

That was the last time she had seen Severus in his home at Spinner's End. Many years passed, and Narcissa watched as her little boy grew into a handsome, young man. It wasn't until the boy turned sixteen that Narcissa Malfoy ever had reason again to confide in Severus Snape once again.


	9. Nymphadora

Nighttime, or twilight to be exact, was Severus’ favorite time of the day. It was mostly because by then the students would have already tucked themselves into their warm beds, and would be the furthest away from trouble of any sort. It was the only time when Severus felt he could breathe, the entire castle would be dead silent and he alone would be awake to witness her beauty. He loved the way the clouds draped over the school so perfectly, and found comfort in watching the glimmer of the moonlight be cast over the walls and the towers. It was truly a sight to behold.

However, tonight was different. As Severus' feet carried him up to the Astronomy Tower, he wrapped his cloak tightly around his body as the cold air began to settle over him. Through the entrance of the tower, he caught sight of a silhouette slumped over the railings. The stranger had not been made aware that Severus was standing just a feet away. The figure raised their head and he thought he heard a sky as the person's focus turned towards the bright yellow moon shimmering from above. Severus drew out his wand slowly. It never hurt lead with precaution, just because he was at Hogwarts did not mean he was safe from danger. The castle was protected, yes, but that hadn't stopped intruders from breaking in before. 

”Who goes there?” Severus asked, his wand clenched tight in his hand.

The figure turned in alarm, her own wand brandished out. Severus sneered lightly as he saw a sliver of pinkish hair and pale blue eyes searching for him in the darkness. Severus walked out from behind the shadows and stood in front of her with a smug smile. 

He lowered his wand first, stowing it back into his pockets as he regarded the woman with his sneer still in place.

”Nymphadora,” he said, and she scowled at the name, “I was under the impression I would be patrolling tonight with Alastor Moody.”

”He’s got business elsewhere, asked me to take over him. Got a problem with that?"

"Have I got a problem with not spending several hours with an infamous ex-Auror who has a never-ending list of paranoia and fears? I can't say that I do, no," he replied sarcastically.

"You can act all high and mighty all you want, Snape, but I'd take patrolling with him rather than with a scumbag Death Eater any other night I reckon," Nymphadora retorted. Severus smiled.

"Charming as always, _Nymphadora_. You must have learned that from Black."

"Don't you _dare_ talk about Sirius!"

Severus hadn't intended to let the conversation go to far, his only intention had been to spark a little annoyance in the woman. He found it a personal enjoyment to torment her at any opportunity that he could, especially after finding out that she had been using her metamorphmagus powers to mock his rather...unfortunate features behind his back. He didn't care, he was used to it by now but he felt he couldn't let her off too easily-that wasn't in his nature. He looked at her and was disappointed to see that rather than be irritated, the girl looked downright sullen and cold.

He had known her a long time ago, she had been one of his students just a few years back though a rather hopeless one. Nymphadora was a clumsy girl, always had been, and was as terrible at Potions as Longbottom was but she more than made up for it in Charms and Transfiguration classes. She was like the Weasley twins a little, he supposed; intelligent in life-threatening situations but rather than sharpening their skills, they opted to make a fool out of themselves and everyone else. In short, Nymphadora Tonks was just as bright and obtuse as Potter and Black. 

"I see it's still a touchy subject. I apologize," Severus said curtly and heard her scoff, but she said nothing more. She looked up at the sky again and let out a frustrated sigh.

Severus noticed she appeared to be thinner, and had dark circles around her eyes from the nights gone without sleep. He didn't have to be a genius to figure out why, the last year had been a blow to everyone in the Order. The attack on Potter and his friends at the Ministry had been disastrous, both for the Order and the Dark Lord. Though Severus hated to admit it, the death of Black had been a tremendous loss to the group. He was an insufferable git but the man certainly knew to duel. Had he managed to stay alive, Severus knew he'd have fought well in the wars to come. But as Severus watched Nymphadora more closely, he wondered whether something else was ailing her. Something more wretched than the evil of the Dark Lord’s ever growing presence: _Love_.

Poor Nymphadora had sought out for love in none other than Remus Lupin, a man who was at least twice her age. But that wasn't even the worse part. The foolish girl had foolishly decided that she was in love with a werewolf, a werewolf who had come close to killing Severus as well as Potter and his friends on separate occasions. By no means was Severus an expert when it came to love, but he did know a lost cause when he saw one. And he had been right.

Two nights after Black's death, Dumbledore had held a small funeral service for him and one which Severus had been forced to attend. Just as Lupin had given his eulogy, Nymphadora had burst into the room and quite openly declared her feelings for the werewolf in front of everyone. Lupin had looked mortified at her confession (and Severus couldn't blame him) and had chosen to remain silent like the coward that he was. The girl had burst into tears almost immediately at the rejection and immediately disapparated from Black's home. He had seen her months later, she had brought Potter to the school gates during the Sorting ceremony. He had seen her Patronus, seen how it now resembled a wolf-symbolizing the man she was in love with.

”We will begin our rounds outside the grounds first. A sweep of the edge of the Forest will do I think...it won’t be necessary to go all the way in. The centaurs do a good job enough of hunting down things that do not belong in there, and I have a hunch Hagrid’s keeping something dangerous in there. Best not wander too far...I have neither the patience nor the time to worry about what pet beast Hagrid has decided to keep this time,” he spoke quickly.

She jerked her head in response. Nymphadora flicked her wand and two brooms appeared, floating above their heads. Without another word, she climbed onto one and descended from the tower. Severus followed her lead.

They glided smoothly along the hills, past the Whomping Willow and Hagrid’s house. Severus slowed down and as he saw the thicket of trees, he kicked his heels into the ground and stopped smoothly in one quick motion. Nymphadora did the same, though she took extra care to land several steps ahead of him. They walked without speaking, the only thing keeping them company over the silence were the sounds of their boots crunching over the dried leaves on the Forest grounds. Nymphadora would glance at the full moon every few seconds and after the fourth time, Severus realized why. He strode over to her in two steps and hear her mumble something incomprehensible under her breath.

“I notice it’s the full moon tonight,” he jibed. She walked on as though she hadn't heard him.

"Tough night for your boyfriend, isn't it? Wonder where he'll be transforming tonight seeing as Dumbledore's not offering him protection anymore?"

"He's not my _boyfriend_. And it's no concern of yours where Remus is," she said, rounding to face him.

Severus smiled coldly.

”Ah, I’ve seemed to touch a nerve there? Perhaps you're right...boyfriend isn't the right word... _acquaintance_ then?"

”What business is it of yours what Remus and I are?”

”None of course...but I must register my concern for serious lapse of judgement in your preference of partner, Nymphadora. It's embarrassing, really," he goaded.

”What’s embarrassing about loving Remus Lupin?” she demanded, thrusting her wand towards him. Her face was flushed as she stared at him in distrust and loathing. He smiled at her, and watched as her glare turned almost venomous. She had spent too much time hanging around Gryffindors that she was starting to behave like them. Too emotional; all heart and no head. She was making herself an easy target to him, to anyone.

”There is the fact that he _is_ an actual werewolf. And add to the fact that he doesn't seem the least bit as interested in you are you are him...tell me Nymphadora, how pathetic does it make you feel to know that even a low-life like Remus Lupin thinks he deserves better than you?"

”How dare you-you don’t know-it’s not...you have no idea how wrong you are!” Nymphadora shouted, her chest heaving.

Severus felt he needed to be a little more careful or she'd blast him off his feet where he stood. 

”No? Enlighten me then. Pray tell, Nymphadora, why he openly rejected your romantic gesture at Grimmauld Place that night? Why then, if he did love you, did he stand there and watch as you were humiliated in front of all those people? Is that what you call _love_?"

" _You're_ going to lecture me about love, Snape? _You_?" Nymphadora asked with an incredulous laugh.

Severus ignored her comment.

”And after all that, you still choose to be weak! You willingly allow yourself to sink lower and continue to hold out hope that he'll change his mind-"

"-shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" she screamed wildly and Severus jumped aside as a spell shot out of her wand. It missed him by inches, and hit a tree, withering it to the ground. Severus turned to look at her in surprise but she stood firm.

"Why do you do this? Why do you have to constantly act like a bastard and tear everyone down? Don't you get tired of hurting people all the time, _Professor_?" Nymphadora asked in a breathy voice. He considered her question for a moment and frowned.

"Because no one else will."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

”Exactly what it should mean. You and Black and Potter and everyone else. You think that love is a-a solution for all your childish problems! You lot who behave like foolish children, racing headfirst into a dangerous situation and think that love will be able to help you. But it doesn’t-just look at what happened to Black! He ran to the Ministry, after I _told_ him not to because he thought his love for his dear old godson would be powerful enough to withstand a killing curse though fat good that did him-!”

"What he did was incredibly brave-Sirius died keeping Harry safe from the Death Eaters!”

"Don't you see? He needn't have died at all if he had just stopped to think! If he had used his brains instead of his heart-"

"-Dumbledore believes in love too, doesn't he? Does that make him a fool as well?"

"Dumbledore understands what love is, and he knows how it can be turned against someone and used as a weapon," Severus replied bitterly, "he understands love, and he uses it with logic and precision. You and your precious Gryffindor friends don't. Therein lies the difference between you lot and Dumbledore."

"And you, Snape? Are you above the rest of us then, seeing as you have never loved anyone? Do you think yourself superior to us just because you're incapable of feeling love?"

 _But I am capable of love_ , he wanted to say. And what good had that ever done him? All he had received in exchange for his unwavering love for the red-headed girl in his dreams was a lifetime of isolation and solitude, a life where he was imprisoned until the end of his days came.

"Yes," he whispered, "I'm better than you because I know better than to put my emotions on display like a circus monkey. Take a long hard look at yourself, Nymphadora, and what you’ve become. Because of love, you’ve turned into something less than a person-you don’t speak, you don’t eat, all you do is lock yourself away from the world and let love rot you up on the insides. You’re killing yourself.”

Nymphadora had become quiet, his words had seemed to have an effect on her at last. She was listening, she was finally hearing what he was saying. She had to realize what she doing to herself before it became too late. Before she turned into a cold, manipulative and cruel human being. Before she turned into him.

”I love him,” she said, defeated, “even though I don’t want to, I still do. I know your logic-based brain won’t understand but that’s the truth. I’ve tried to let go, Merlin know I have, but I can’t.”

Severus let his shoulders fall. Love was as it always has been, an unsolvable conundrum that hits you out of nowhere. It was a disease, an uncontrollable addiction like a scab that you couldn’t stop picking at.

”He does have feelings for you,” Severus said with a sigh.

”What?” the pink-haired girl snapped.

”Lupin. He feels the same way about you, but he won’t tell you. Because that’s in _his_ nature.”

”Wh-did he tell you that?”

”He doesn’t have to. I know him, and I know he’s a coward. If he does have feelings for you, he’d never tell you because he wouldn’t want to lead you on with false hopes of a good life in the future. He doesn’t want to build a life with you in this war because it might rip you away from him like Potter and Black. He’s afraid he might not be able to take your loss alongside those of his friends. So he will never tell you.”

Nymphadora was looking up at him now, her eyes wide and tear-filled. Her lips were trembling and the last thing he needed was to send a report to Dumbledore saying he had disrupted another routine round by making somebody cry.

”You know, I’m pretty sure that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” she said, and Severus’ eyes followed the trail of tears trickling down his face.

”I assure you, I wasn’t being nice. I was simply stating the truth.”

”He is a coward, isn’t he? I’ve seen the way he looks at me, and I know he’s in love with me too. Stupid Gryffindor,” she said, pulling a dirty-looking handkerchief from inside her pocket and blowing hard on it.

Severus snorted in agreement with her last statement.

”What am I supposed to do to make that idiot see that I don’t care if we make it through this war? Everyone who’s in the Order knows the minute you sign up to join, you’re basically signing your life away...he needs to realize that we’re all probably going to die in this war anyway, so why not die with a few snogs be-“

”-I am no longer willing to participate in this conversation, I think. You will discuss your intimate affairs with Lupin, Nymphadora, and you will do it as far away as possible from me,” he interrupted and she laughed despite her misery.

Severus smiled inwards at the sound of her laughter. Human again, he thought.

”Y’know you’re awfully wise when you’re not hiding behind your petty insults, Professor,” she teased lightly as they started their walk back to the castle.

”Try being cooped up with Dumbledore all year and you’ll pick up a wisdom or two,” he replied haughtily and she laughed again.

The rest of the night was filled with a comfortable silence. They had rounded the castle’s exterior and found that all was well in the night. As they entered the inside, Severus led Nymphadora to the kitchens first and noticed her expression when he called Winky the house elf to serve them a light meal.

”Of course, Professor Snape, sir! Anything for the sir,” she squeaked, hurrying away to fetch them some bread and soup.

Severus pushed the tray towards Nymphadora, and send the elf back to bed. She stared at the food a while, as if judging whether or not it’s contents were safe to eat.

”Go on,” he said, reaching over to tear a bit of the loaf and popping it into his mouth to show that it was completely safe.

She relaxed and began to stuff the bread into the mouth. In a few minutes, Nymphadora had cleared the plate and let out a satisfactory burp. She blushed, and then yawned contentedly.

”You head back home. I’ll manage the rest of the shift,” Severus offered softly.

”You sure? I don’t want to leave you here by yourself-“

”-I can take care of myself, Nymphadora. And besides, I find I do much better prowling without another’s presence irritating me all the way.”

She smiled, kindly this time.

”Thank you, Professor. I know we headed out with a rough start but you did make me feel better.”

Severus threw a stiff nod in her direction, standing up to leave. His curiosity getting the better of him as he passed the door, he turned to her.

”So what are you planning to do about your Remus Lupin problem?”

There was another faint smile.

”I’m going to tell him that if the only reason he doesn’t want to love me back is because he’s afraid, then he’s a blithering idiot.”

Severus smiled smugly, and stepped out of the secret kitchen entrance.


End file.
